050 - Cultivating Inner Peace: The Intersection of Social Work, Education, and SEL with Jamillah Parker

Welcome to SEL in EDU.

Where we discuss all things, social and emotional, in education. I'm Krista and I'm Craig, and we are your hosts on this journey. All right, now, sel, at EDU family, we are back for another conversation. All kinds of wonderful things are happening, or not happening, because at this point in life there may be some snow on the ground. It's definitely a lot cooler for most of us where we are. So I'm just kind of curious how are you cozying up in this conversation today? Are you wearing your fluffy slippers? Are you in your robe? Do you have on a hoodie, like I'm wearing? Like what is the way that you are enjoying today's conversation? So, krista, how are you doing?

I'm good. Today I was actually going to put on one of those infinity scarves to kind of bulk up and keep myself warm, but I'm doing well. I'm getting ready to head out on the road for some various conferences and work in some other states and so oh and to attend a wedding in a couple of weeks. I wonder who's getting married again, craig?

Somebody, somebody in this world, he's getting married.

By the time you all listen to this, Craig is going to be a taken man Just let me know, wow, no pressure. No pressure, just a little bit of stress leading up to this. What is on your heart today? How are you?

Doing. I'm doing pretty well. I'm overwhelmed with appreciation for all the love that has come our way. I'm most grateful and in gratitude that my father had a stroke last month so we're currently like September, and so this happened back in August and he's making so much progress and he's moving and he's talking. It's something when you see a parent who has had all of this strength and has been such a figure now find themselves needing to be cared for by others, and so I'm just grateful that my pop is still around doing this thing, and then I, you know, get to see him continuing to prosper and grow, even through trials. So I have gratitude in my spirit.

That. That fills my heart and it makes me sad that we don't record and post the videos anymore, because I it would just be awesome for people to see how your face just lit up when you talk about your dad. So I'm looking forward to getting a chance to meeting him, perhaps at the wedding. So sending lots of prayers and hugs that's amazing. I'm glad to hear he's doing well, thank you. On our show today we have an extra special guest who is amazing with remembering dates. I'm just going to put that out there right away, because I met Ms Jamila Parker at a conference in New Jersey. I believe it was five years ago, but I'm sure when she comes on she's going to tell you the exact date that it was. And we just flipped and connected on Boxer and all the things and we we talk and chat and send messages and get together because we have kids the same age. We're both empty nesters right now and so we're kind of processing that together, but I am so excited to have Jamila Parker with us.

She is the supervisor of early childhood for Pemberton Township Schools in New Jersey. She holds her New Jersey supervisor, principal and school social worker certificates. She's a rock star. Ms Parker firmly believes students and adult SEL learning should be the foundation of every school district and has provided professional development to school employees on this topic. She is a duly licensed social worker in New Jersey and in Pennsylvania. She has spoken at regional and national conferences and is an advisory board member for Living Proof Recovery Center in New Jersey. She is also a proud member of the Black Women Education Leaders Organization, where she serves as co-chair for the Special Events Committee, and just as of last week, she is also the secretary of the Southern Region New Jersey ASCD organization. So, my friend, thank you so much for your time. We're excited to talk with you.

Thank you, so good to be here with you, with you guys, on this frosty sort of frosty evening.

It is. So one of the things that you and I have talked about a lot over the last years that I just think is such an advantage is the different perspectives that you bring to education. You have been working as a social worker for so long and now you get to take those gifts in as a supervisor. So you're working with the teachers. You're still getting to work with the parents and the students, and I would love for you to perhaps share some of those strengths as a social worker that you're able to bring in to your role and helping to support students and teachers and their families.

Absolutely. It's a unique perspective where I'm looking at the whole person, the whole child, the whole family, the whole adult as the teacher or staff member, the whole adult as that individual parent is such a unique perspective that I get to bring a piece that many aren't used to an administrator having so being able to tap into that empathy, tapping into that active and reflective listening skills, it's to go into classrooms and while I'm going into observe based on Daniel saying observe certain domains I'm able to also pick up on. So, while there is a lesson being taught, I'm paying attention to how the adults in the room are responding to all of the children, how they are being able to multitask, if you will, dealing with the behavior while still focusing on a child and answering a question or asking those higher level thinking questions. All really in that span of a 20 minute or 40 minute observation period, and then in these post conferences, particularly with the staff, for them to be able to acknowledge that's never happened before where someone is able to tap into all of it. So I'm noticing the core values. You know we have core values in our school. I'm noticing those core values being displayed in the classroom, being practiced in the classroom, excited to see mindfulness activities that are happening and they're not feeling this pressure that you know that there's a pressure of like every minute counts, every minute counts and every minute does count, for mindfulness is in those or in those minutes as well.

So, and then just the from the family perspective, you know, engaging in some of those meetings where I'm sitting in, as on the IRS T meetings, and not just sitting back and just being a quiet observer, but I jumped in a few times and it asked some of the tough questions that maybe some others are like don't feel comfortable, and asking some questions that may lend to, you know, a disclosure of, like a past abuse or things like that. And then just being able to, and nothing shocks me. I've worked, even prior to education. I worked for New Jersey's child protection services and so I've had this knowledge and this experience. That nothing at all surprises me. So anything that comes out of you know a person's mouth, of you know what they disclose. I had the it's just a I'm able to maintain my facial expression is no shock, no shock value to it, but I love of being, I love that I'm able to bring this to an administrative role. And then you asked about you know some things of what I can, what I'm seeing.

You know, last, in the last school year, I should have really stopped and thought about what I said before I claimed it and I said we're getting through this, like this next school year, we should be on the the rise from some of the things that happened during COVID, because our school, our program, houses three scores and any five year old who turns five after October 2nd, and so, really, in September, we have two year olds coming in off of a school bus, on the school bus and going into a classroom or classrooms of multi age with children, who, who may be turning five on October 2nd, so that that that spread. And so I was thinking like, oh, most of the kids coming in, they won't have that experience of an unmasked world and a mass world and and and all of that. Like they this, just that most of them were born in 2020. So most of the new ones are coming in in 2020. And they've not had this, this prior experience.

However, what they did have or didn't have as far as experiences, they didn't have that social. They still didn't have that, that time to be able to interact socially. Many of them were it was just a device and whether it was parents who were working remotely and so they gave them a device to keep quiet while they were working remotely. There's still limited some skills you have. We have students who maybe they were going to get early intervention services, but the only way those services were being offered were remotely. You can't really get those therapies in like there's the telehealth is wonderful, but when you're working with children that young, really like in person, is the best and most effective way of providing the different therapies. And you have a lot of families that even just declined the services because they were remote, and so because of that, we're seeing children now coming in completely nonverbal, completely like they have not again had that opportunity to be around other children, and so it's just, it's heartbreaking in a sense, and what I would definitely share with with parents.

I read an article last week and it was talking about devices that are actually leading to more developmental delays. The more the young children are on devices it's leading to, and I see it, I see it every day, and so I would just encourage parents to, while it's easy, give it to them, you know, start monitoring that screen time, monitoring that time of really should not even be more than like 20 minutes a day. You know, and talking to parents, sometimes you ask like, oh, what's? You know what's the average screen time? And they're like, oh, not more than two hours, like that's all they're getting and they're not learning those, those, those social emotional skills through a device. And so I would just encourage parents and families to just make a shift with how much they are relying on those devices with their young children particularly. You know, five and five and under.

Wow, you gave us so much to think about.

I understand, at least from what I've been reading and a number of the conversations I've had with parents over the course of last school year we're transitioning into this school year and even over the summer that, even though it appears like the pandemic has changed and we're post pandemic which I still disagree with, still believe we're in it, but that's my opinion we do know that our young people still have gaps or opportunities in regards to their mental health and their well-being, especially our teenagers, who still have such high rates of depression, anxiety.

Some of our young people are experiencing suicidal ideations, and so we have school leaders across this nation who are working in partnership with community partners and clinicians and whatnot, and trying to figure this out and navigate. This is very tough terrain, and so by the time people hear this, it'll be January, possibly February, of 2024. And so for those who are listening now, whether or not their parents, whether or not their school leaders, their educators, their clinicians, what would you say you have seen in your experience has actually been incredibly beneficial. That should be amplified across the airwaves on. Here's some good practices, here's some promising practices, here's some things everybody should be incorporating in their day to day in order to continue to strengthen SEL and well-being across the community.

Definitely implementing that deep breathing, mindfulness activities and becoming routine that it's not just something to calm someone down, but just where it's a daily. You're taking those stretches, you're doing the belly breathing, the star breathing techniques, maybe even some mindfulness like games or activities, just something to I'm thinking of the coloring books, just something where they have those brain breaks, whether at home or at school, they are embedded into our daily living and whether that's a child, whether it's an adult, because the adults need it too but just incorporating that into a daily routine, maybe setting it up on a timer on your phone or something where it's, or deciding, okay, this time every day, maybe as a family, this is what we're going to do. I think it takes away that ooh sigma of it, like you know where you know people think of, like the deep breathing or the meditation, that it has something to do with a religious connection, but really it's all about just kind of just sitting still and recognizing what you're feeling throughout your body. You know, what are you wiggling your toes? What are you feeling when you're wiggling your toes? That's a mindfulness activity and it has absolutely nothing to do with any type of a worship experience at all.

And so just again incorporating that into something that's happening daily, whether in a classroom or whether at home. It then what happens is, when you're doing it when you don't need it, when you're not in a desperate need for it, it becomes so natural that when you are in a state of like panic or just need it, it's so natural that you'll be able to just pull that back. This is what I knew, that this is what calmed me down, or this is what's kept me calm. Let me pull that back and utilize that.

You know I was already thinking about what you just pressed on, only because I know that you know, a Christian grew up in a Catholic household for the most part of my early childhood, teenage years and then early adulthood. And in New Orleans, you know there's like you better go, pray about it. You know you better go and, you know, seek your higher power, because that's what we do here. And it wasn't until I got to Boston that it was revealed to me that there are different ways for people to tap into a sense of being inner, being for themselves, and that I again, being in Boston, that appears to be more, you know, white than it is.

You know, folks of color and even those who are practicing mindfulness and mindfulness, contemplative practices, yoga and more generally, are not necessarily people of color. We're seeing it like we're seeing more of it now, but I really am curious how do you work with families who may be resistant because of some of the same things that you're sharing? They're like I don't know about all that that's. You know that's for them. Folks who out there in the woods, who barefoot and walking around in the trees. What has been your approach to getting more folks you know tapped in?

I'm going to tell you that's a challenge and that's something. At the start of the school year we actually did receive a letter from a parent who the the what. The email was addressed to the teacher and basically just said my child, I do not want my child participating in boom, boom, boom boom. And she didn't mention mindfulness activities. And that's a tough one, especially at this young age. And trying to explain it, she went based on her religious views.

So I was, we've been sensitive to that, the teacher has been sensitive to to that, and so what happens is is that so you just don't think, you just really don't engage the child directly? That doesn't stop the teacher from saying you know, I see that you're upset, here's a, here's a breathing, but breathing buddy, which is a stuffed animal. You just kind of leave that on your back and you just your breathing. So they're watching the stuff that don't go up and up and down. Well, that child is just not included. If I had the opportunity to just to talk to parents directly, I would show them like sometimes it's just a matter of like really demonstrating what that you know what that looks like and for many of them they have what happened. Admit that, some of that, those things they already do. Who doesn't?

take a deep breath. Who doesn't blow out a candle, whether it's a birthday candle? If you say you don't believe in birthdays, all right, you don't celebrate birthdays. Well, what about that scented candle that you have in your home, like? Who doesn't blow those candles out? Who doesn't inhale to smell the flowers Like? These are all things that you naturally would just do, and it has, again, nothing to do with anything.

A particular religion or spiritual practice is really just so. I would just make it just a very matter of factly. You're giving me an idea, though, because I'm thinking that might be a topic of discussion for the families, but I may have to go. It won't come from me as a supervisor, but I do supervise our social worker. So maybe, touching on that, she has a workshop, a parent workshop, coming up next week. We're talking about parental fears, child's tears and parental fears. There's more about the parental anxiety that comes with it. So she doesn't let me kind of see what she has in store yet, but I may just kind of put the bug in her ear can you open up with some type of a deep breathing exercise where it just kind of just to show parents I'm not sure if that particular parent will be present or not, but maybe just for them to kind of experience. This is what we're doing in the classroom and it has nothing to do with again, with any type of religious practice.

Yeah, I really appreciate how you talked about being sensitive to the diversity that exists, because we wanna honor people's belief systems and where they're coming from, and, at the same time, I think you brought up a really interesting point about we're putting a spotlight on some natural practices that happen every day and having students be thoughtful about that breathing and getting how the oxygen is coming into your body and how that's important for regulating your. I don't know if I'm even saying the right. Is it the endocrine system? I don't know. I might have to edit this, so if anybody's listening out there, it might not be the endocrine system, I don't know.

That was the first thing that came to my mind, but it's true and what we know is good and healthy for students, but also recognizing the diverse boundaries that we have and I say boundaries in a way like our belief systems, right, and so I'm wondering that, as a social worker, as a supervisor, what advice would you give to educators or to parents who are finding themselves in a situation where they're like you know what, I'm not sure. I'd like to know more about this practice. Like you said, maybe I have a misconception, or yeah, so in your experience, how would you recommend for people who are listening here. If they're in that situation, what could they do If they're unsure?

just ask, reach out to the counseling department at your school, reach out to if your school or the district really pushes for the whole mindfulness practices. You want to reach out to ask questions and be open-minded with you know, listen to understand and not to just listen to come back and respond. But you wanna understand. So, going with a mind that you really wanna understand where this is coming from and then ask questions. There's nothing wrong with asking questions. You'll get your answers.

But I think oftentimes we have these assumptions. Oftentimes we hear things in the media and you know, on social media and the news, and it is a negative connotation and most of the times those people that are reporting or talking about it, they have no idea what they picked up on, something that someone said that this is what this is and they never went, they never looked at exploring it for themselves to see if it's true or not. You know, I think you know, there are oftentimes I will something simple as I see a post about oh, rest in peace, and it's like a celebrity the first thing I do is I actually go Google it to see if it's true or not, because we've been bamboos with so many times with like this is no, that didn't happen. You know story comes out that you know this wasn't true, and so that's my first thing I'm always going to to kind of look it up for myself. I wanna be able to read it for myself, and so I say for any family, any adult just find out for yourself. Don't listen to what you've heard someone say oh, this is what this is. Go look into some things for yourself to see what it's really all about.

Coloring is a simple like children have been coloring. You know it's one of the most therapeutic and I'm not artistic at all, but there's something in just like picking up a crayon or a colored pencil and just coloring things. That just is so relaxing and it just brings down any stress or anxiety that may be going on and that's not, you know, some religious experience. That's just coloring.

Yeah, and I used to always tell my boys when they were little the beautiful thing about coloring is that you get to be creative with it so you can make anything. Any color you want. You can color in the lines. You could color after the lines. You can make your own lines.

But I did just want to pop back in before. I'm sure Craig is going to ask a question and say it is the endocrine system, I think. I just Googled it and it says wow, this is going to really look bad. Endocrine glands release hormones into the bloodstream, so I'm assuming that's your dopamine oxytocin, like all the things. So I'm going to stand on that one. And I wanted to bring up I love how you talked about like really finding reputable sources, right. And so the ad fontis media bias chart I think is a good one because, like you said, you want to know the straight up facts, like this is what was said, this is what we saw happen, no, like I think. And then the next level is the experts on the topic making a statement about it, and then you have people who come in and are like, well, here's what I think. And then it just devolves from there into like clickbait that's meant to get you upset. So yeah, like really look and see where am I getting my information from and open up that conversation.

So thank you. Consider the source, that's what that. Consider the source.

Yep.

Huh. So I am curious what are some ways that you are filling your own SEL and wellness bucket at this time?

Oh, my Craig. Well, considering you know, chris, chris mentioned I am a newly nester. My only child is now a way at college and I've been. I'm going to be honest and transparent. I've not been doing the best for myself. I have tried to. So I have a balcony off of my bedroom and what I've been trying to do is just sit out there and do my own breathing. I haven't done it in a couple of weeks, like you know, a couple of weeks ago I went and sat out there and I actually took a nap. I, you know, just kind of laid back and found myself 30 minutes later. I'm waking up like it was just was a peaceful moment, but work has been keep like the start of the school year has been so busy. I have been trying to think of what else I've done that I have not. I'm trying to think of what else I've done, just even doing things that you enjoy. So you know what? Let me back up Testing. Okay, I think I want to try to make this recipes. So just testing out new recipes, spending time with.

I have spent and even, like after I dropped my son off, I think, over span of two weeks, after I intentionally went out with different girlfriends Christa was one of them made time to just go out and connect with with other moms who were in the same boat as I, whether they're empty nesters or whether it was their first child one away to um, to college. I love music, so for me that's my normal morning routine anyway is listening to music. Someone had recommended my son had sent me a playlist when I returned back after dropping him off and I bought my eyes out when he first sent the playlist because it was very thoughtful. He's like whenever you're sad. There's a 60% chance that I'm listening to this in this moment and I bought my eyes out. But then a wise person said and it was a slow ballad or anything, it was a upbeat, uptempo music. Someone said go have a dance party to that same playlist. And so I did. I gave myself permission, danced in my room by myself to the playlist.

I'm a journaler so I love, like, just journaling. So those are ways that this weekend coming up want to spend some time with my mom and sister. So it's just been ways of either connecting with others and then I am a natural introvert, so just catching up on whatever the latest show is. Call the midwife. I just got into the new season of call the midwife, so, just making it a point, I guess I have been doing something, but I do need to get back into walking and I have not been doing that.

It's interesting, though, how you started off saying, well, I'm not doing so good, but you are, and I think Craig asking that question kind of brought it out, and you've given such great examples of what's possible for us and being thoughtful about it.

This is true. So I was about to beat up on myself Like I haven't yes, I have been.

I think sometimes we feel like we have to do something super lofty or it has to be some exaggerated affair Like these are the things I teach and preach about and I got to. You know why am I not doing a thing? So, like I have my aromatherapy candle, so this is one that has all kind of good teakwood and and and oh, this got ginger in this one so rolling and like just having that be a thing right. Or burning incense. You know, I might do a little incense and that's just my thing. Or I'm going to take a bubble bath tonight because that's what I love to do. A brother loves some bubbles. I love me some bubbles, whether or not it's in my tub or somebody's jacuzzi. I'm just saying it is all good. So I would say for folks yes, it's great if you can exercise, you can meditate, you can pray, like whatever the thing is. But sometimes something simple as this is my candle for five minutes with me and and us, we just doing us and that's great.

That's true, and I that's the other thing I do love, craig is a good candle. There's light in that candle and I was going to say something while you were, you know, talking about that. Right, it doesn't have to be lofty, or, you know, people always connect so self care to have to do with, like you're spending money, you're going in and nothing's wrong, because I love a pedicure, so there's nothing wrong with a man in your petty or anything like that. But even just the, the simpleness and feeling what you feel, that self care as well. So we think that we have to escape from the feeling, but being present and feeling what you feel. So if this is, you know, there's an emotion that you're feeling and it's causing you to to cry, cry, it's releasing those toxins. Anyway, get the, get the tears out, and so that is its own form of self care. That's its own, you know, mindfulness moment, if you will.

That. What to me, right, there was like a mic shot moment, like just accept, like, instead of pushing things off and like I need to do this, I need to be like let it in. And I was at a yoga retreat a long time ago well, like six years ago and I think she was talking about something like if you're feeling it like, let it in and let it burn through you, like use that. And it reminded me of a quote that I took off of Instagram and I kept it off to the side here. I haven't posted it yet, but it says instead of asking, have I worked hard enough to deserve a rest, I've started asking have I rested enough to do my most loving, meaningful work? I love that. I've been ruminating on that the last couple days and I think that that also gives permission for us to take those breaks so that we can come back as our best selves, especially when you're right, when two year olds off of a bus yes, On a regular basis.

just the buses. Their little legs can't even like get up those stairs on their own, so it's like helping them up they're walking or helping them down and step down, because they wanna jump from the bottom step to the sidewalk and I'm like no step down.

So yes, Well, there's a greater question that you may have heard us ask time and time again to our guests, but I ask you as well Okay, what do you consider to be your superpower?

Ooh.

I have to think about that one, my superpower. Is it bad if I think I have more than one?

Like, don't film it.

I could need several for you, so I'm just waiting.

I do believe that my calming presence in the middle of any type of a crisis situation, I think I'm able to just bring it all down so I can walk into a crisis, and I'm able to, whether it's my tone of voice, I think, sometimes even just me walking in and kind of walking into the presence, and I've heard this from others that you bring this calm, the sense of calm when you enter a presence. So I would say that my ability to read a room and pick up on I pick up on it all facial expressions, body language. I ask those tough questions. I will clearly ask, I'll look and I'm like are you okay? Staff members, oh yeah, I'm like, but your facial expression isn't telling me that you're okay, and usually then in that moment it's a breakdown of, well, this and this and this, so and then my not that I'm a comedian, cause, I'm not, but I can find humor in a lot of situations and I love that about myself as well. Krista, did I touch on anything? Did you say what I?

was going to say and those are just some of the pieces that I really love and admire about you too that you are willing to lean in and like have the hard conversations and share with people just to benefit everybody in the community. And you do tap in, like people just feel connected to like hell you things, because they know you're a trustworthy person. And it is funny I was gonna say you're funny as hell, Thank you. So I'm so happy that you said that, because I am always laughing when we're together, we have a good time and I appreciate like the laughter, the fun, the different perspectives of things. So, yeah, nailed it All right. So I will ask I'm seeing Craig's eyeballs here. I know if people wanna reach out to you and they're like you know what? I'm a social worker, too, and I want to move into administration, or I'm also working with the two year olds, the three year olds, the four year olds and I'd like to connect. How could people get ahold of you, Jabela?

So through my email or through Twitter. My other two social media accounts are much more on a private side for me, but definitely Twitter at jamila underscore Parker. And then my email address is. So it's my first name, j-a-m-i-l-l-a-h dot Parker, at wait, wait, wait, wait. J-a-m-i-l-l-a-h dot Parker, m-s-w at gmailcom.

Thank you so much. We will have all of that information posted in the episode resource section of the podcast. Thank you.

Well, for everybody who's like well, it's gotta be all about the educators and all. What makes you think that Jamila is not an educator? Just doing the dog on thing, showing up and showing out for so many folks, whether or not you are a parent, whether or not you are a school leader, whether or not you are a clinician, whether or not you are a community partner, whether or not you are a boss, entrepreneur, another mom, you know auntie, like out here doing the thing, and we're so honored that we have had this time and space with you and we know folks better, like y'all better hear me, like y'all need to get all of this. Get all of it. It's like butt on a good cookie, like real, just just whew. I feel like it's just salivating in the back of my throat. I'm like, oh, get it all, get it all. It's about you all. Right, this is self care.

Listening to SEL and EDU podcast is self care. So we absolutely love and adore you. Roger, thank you so much for joining us and we know that you are not just gonna be a one time. You know panelists, you gonna come back, cause I got a feeling you just got so much more to give. So, for all of us in the SEL and EDU world. I just wanna continue to challenge you to hold yourself at all you hold dear, real tight, and continue to give yourself and the world great life. We love you, y'all take care.