May 1, 2024
056: Harnessing the Power of Connection, Courage, and Compassion with Thom Stecher
When you meet a mentor like Thom Stecher, who shapes your world through social and emotional learning, you can't help but share their wisdom far and wide. That's precisely what we're doing in this heartwarming episode, as Thom joins us to discuss the profound effects of nurturing the whole child and fostering a compassionate atmosphere in schools. We explore the landscape of education, where courage intertwines with kindness, and delve into how these virtues impact the lives we touch and our personal growth.
Our conversation delves into the power of self-awareness, the significance of disconnecting from the chaos of life to nurture our inner value, and the potency of small acts of kindness. Thom's insights prompt us to reconsider the true significance of self-worth in the age of social media. As we ponder on the necessity of self-compassion and the inherent worth of every individual, we also underscore the bravery needed for advocacy and community building, making each listener feel valued and appreciated.
Finally, we celebrate love's role in creating and sustaining relationships. Thom shares personal stories from his 45-year partnership, reminding us that the superpower of love drives change and fosters connections, especially within educational environments. Join our enriching discussion, savoring the nuggets of wisdom and encouraging you to keep the flame of curiosity alight in your heart. Together, let's celebrate the profound influence of connection over metrics in our schools and lives.
EPISODE RESOURCES:
- Connect with Thom via his website.
Chapters
00:01 - The Power of Courage in Education
15:57 - Reflecting on Courage, Kindness, and Worthiness
21:15 - Importance of Unplugging and Advocating
28:48 - Showing Up With Courage and Kindness
36:49 - The Power of Love in Relationships
45:35 - Layers of Wisdom and Love
Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:01.683 --> 00:00:07.653
Welcome to SEL in EDU where we discuss all things social and emotional in education.
00:00:07.653 --> 00:00:13.012
I'm Krista and I'm Craig and we are your hosts on this journey.
00:00:13.012 --> 00:00:21.891
Hello, hello, hello, SEL and EDU family, it is a great day and time to be in community with you.
00:00:21.891 --> 00:00:26.192
We're so glad that you joined us again for another wonderful podcast.
00:00:26.192 --> 00:00:28.085
Krista, how are you doing?
00:00:28.085 --> 00:00:29.208
How's your heart today?
00:00:29.830 --> 00:00:40.033
My heart is totally full, and not just because I have an amazing cup of lemonade lavender tea, which I'm really looking forward to.
00:00:40.033 --> 00:00:46.673
So I know you love candles and they help center you and I'm like you know what it's feeling like a cup of tea afternoon.
00:00:46.673 --> 00:00:54.131
But I know we have a guest here who has been.
00:00:54.131 --> 00:00:58.408
You know you just meet those people who are change the trajectory of your life.
00:00:58.408 --> 00:01:05.326
The person that we have for a guest today is that for me, he has been my mentor.
00:01:05.326 --> 00:01:21.650
He has helped introduce me to the world of SEL and really helped build helped me build a foundation for the direction that I am going professionally, how I've raised my boys, and I am excited to share him with the world.
00:01:21.650 --> 00:01:23.805
How are you doing today?
00:01:24.200 --> 00:01:25.343
Good, gracious.
00:01:25.343 --> 00:01:28.102
That is that that really warms my heart.
00:01:28.102 --> 00:01:51.947
Uh, when we have the opportunity to welcome folks who are, who have been a compass for us, um, and have uh been a hearth that we could come to, uh, when the shadows of the world do what they do they do, I'm glad that we have this opportunity to commune in great company, so I'm excited about that.
00:01:51.947 --> 00:02:05.674
For me, today is like an up and down day, so I think that what I carry with me is the world.
00:02:05.674 --> 00:02:07.787
There are so many things that are happening now.
00:02:07.787 --> 00:02:10.068
So, as we're recording, it's February.
00:02:10.068 --> 00:02:13.830
We've had like two weeks of just gray days.
00:02:13.830 --> 00:02:18.126
We finally are experiencing some sun, so I appreciate that.
00:02:18.480 --> 00:02:21.971
But in the midst of that, like you know, we're still dealing with a war.
00:02:21.971 --> 00:02:27.712
We're still dealing with like affirmative action and the political climate that feels very charged.
00:02:27.712 --> 00:02:35.427
There's been some deaths and passings and transitions of folks who've been in my circle and village, so that's been something.
00:02:35.427 --> 00:02:42.473
And outside of that, just trying to wake up and be a decent human being feels tough.
00:02:42.473 --> 00:02:58.650
But having this opportunity to be with you and be in community with our guests, that we have the opportunity and also our audience, it is what empowers me to put that battery in my back and get up and keep going anyway.
00:02:58.650 --> 00:03:15.628
So I know today we're going to talk about courage a little bit, and just how do you still, you know, empower yourself, enlighten yourself, how do you activate yourself to be courageous, even when you might be managing anxiety or fear or just whatever the world is throwing at you?
00:03:15.628 --> 00:03:18.661
So I'm I'm feeling good about that.
00:03:19.302 --> 00:03:56.961
And thank you, craig, for sharing that, because I think it's important for people to know like when they see you or when they hear us, a lot of times, especially with you, it's always kind of upbeat and like going and you know, but we're humans and we have a whole range of emotions and I think people also need to see us kind of grappling with some of those harder pieces in life as well, how we navigate them in community and with one another, and then keep our focus on the work and what motivates us and keeps us moving forward.
00:03:56.961 --> 00:04:08.747
And so with that I would like to introduce our speaker today and thinking about like motivating us to continue to do the work personally and professionally.
00:04:08.747 --> 00:04:10.242
This is a gentleman.
00:04:10.242 --> 00:04:13.192
I've shared my highest highs and my lowest lows.
00:04:13.192 --> 00:04:15.748
I've had dirty ugly cries on his shoulder.
00:04:15.748 --> 00:04:20.490
We have known each other for over 17 years.
00:04:20.490 --> 00:04:26.223
I met him when I was working as a high school teacher, starting a student leadership organization.
00:04:26.223 --> 00:04:30.375
So I am thrilled to introduce Mr Tom Stacker.
00:04:30.375 --> 00:04:35.069
He is a nationally recognized motivational speaker and educational consultant.
00:04:35.069 --> 00:04:43.168
He specializes in self-esteem which I needed my lot wellness and student assistance programs.
00:04:43.889 --> 00:04:52.793
Raised in a family of educators, tom believes that education is a lifelong process and that we all teach best what we most need to learn.
00:04:52.793 --> 00:04:56.129
Therefore, it is imperative that we teach each other.
00:04:56.129 --> 00:05:01.987
He has spent over 40 years educating and mentoring students, teachers, administrators and board members.
00:05:01.987 --> 00:05:15.228
He is one of the original developers of the nationally recognized and acclaimed Masonic Model Student Assistance Program, which helps students who are experiencing barriers to learning.
00:05:15.228 --> 00:05:24.230
He has expanded the model to developmentally appropriate elementary, middle and high school programs, and the program is in use in over 30 states and in Canada.
00:05:24.230 --> 00:05:33.141
Tom's current passion is providing school board and administrative retreats and professional learning opportunities for K-12 staff.
00:05:33.141 --> 00:05:44.884
The primary focus of his work is integrating social-emotional learning with academic achievement and helping school districts transform into whole child-centered environments.
00:05:44.884 --> 00:05:50.367
He believes that budgets and test scores must be subordinate to people.
00:05:50.367 --> 00:05:59.173
Caring for students and staff must be at our highest priority and that connection, compassion and courage are the future of education.
00:05:59.173 --> 00:06:03.958
Tom, my dear friend, welcome to our SEL and EDU family.
00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:08.583
Hi Krista, Hi Craig, it's so nice to be with both of you.
00:06:08.583 --> 00:06:11.009
I've already heard immense amounts of courage.
00:06:11.009 --> 00:06:15.742
You used that word work, and I happen to love that word.
00:06:15.742 --> 00:06:18.247
I grew up in a family of work.
00:06:18.247 --> 00:06:37.716
I grew up on an extended family farm extended family farm and work to me was family, Work to me was love, and at that time, being a young man, it was work with a small W and I relished that.
00:06:37.716 --> 00:06:39.139
And it was a corn farm.
00:06:39.139 --> 00:06:51.341
It was a Silver Queen corn farm and I confess to being a corn snob, I'll be polite, but Silver Queen corn is really the only corn worth eating.
00:06:53.526 --> 00:07:08.074
But the other idea of work is when we find our love, when we find our passion, we find our calling, we find that thing that we'll do without money because we must do it.
00:07:08.074 --> 00:07:18.670
It's in our heart and if we don't do it it backs up on us and we become uncomfortable and we become ill.
00:07:18.670 --> 00:07:30.180
So we know that we have been given this gift and it is our work and this gift is supposed to be shared.
00:07:30.180 --> 00:07:35.091
It's supposed to be given away in some way, shape or form.
00:07:35.091 --> 00:07:42.685
So in your initial conversation I heard that word work and it means so much to me.
00:07:42.685 --> 00:07:43.747
Yeah.
00:07:43.767 --> 00:07:44.829
And I learned it from you.
00:07:44.829 --> 00:08:00.721
That's where I get that from and it's something that I've internalized because I remember back in oh goodness, I don't even remember what the year was but you would come in to help us set up an organization for empowering our students.
00:08:00.721 --> 00:08:02.704
And I remember saying to you for empowering our students.
00:08:02.704 --> 00:08:07.187
And I remember saying to you this is it Like?
00:08:07.187 --> 00:08:11.572
I like social studies but I love working with our youth.
00:08:11.572 --> 00:08:14.853
And I said to you how do I get to do this?
00:08:14.853 --> 00:08:16.536
I don't have a degree.
00:08:16.536 --> 00:08:21.862
And you said to me you don't need a degree to do this work.
00:08:21.862 --> 00:08:32.107
You need to have the passion and the work ethic and want to continue to put good work out there to support our young folks.
00:08:32.107 --> 00:08:38.408
And that just always stuck with me and I'm like, yeah, I can do this and I want to do this.
00:08:38.408 --> 00:08:46.672
And you were calling it SEL way before most people got even a real understanding of what it was that we were doing.
00:08:47.240 --> 00:08:49.306
Yeah, there's so much I want to talk about.
00:08:49.306 --> 00:08:55.712
I want to talk about that, I want to talk about the history, but again, you just said something that's so important.
00:08:55.712 --> 00:09:06.615
That moment, that moment when we met, that moment when we interacted and when I shared with you my core belief, acted, and when I shared with you my core belief, you don't need a degree to do this.
00:09:06.615 --> 00:09:15.980
It's lovely and, please, I honor both of you with your doctoral degrees.
00:09:15.980 --> 00:09:20.922
But I come back to something Martin Luther King Jr said.
00:09:20.922 --> 00:09:23.205
He said all you need is a soul generated by love.
00:09:23.205 --> 00:09:26.890
All you need is a soul generated by love.
00:09:28.113 --> 00:09:45.780
And today, this morning, I spend almost every morning on the physical therapy table and today, on the physical therapy table, the woman who runs the organization was working on me and moving my hips and and and you know, asking me does this hurt?
00:09:45.780 --> 00:09:46.423
Does that hurt?
00:09:46.423 --> 00:10:05.573
And and one of her younger colleagues, a man with a doctorate, probably 30 years old, in physical therapy, who who works on me a lot, you know, was making some comments across the table about, about, you know what, what we need to to help each other.
00:10:05.573 --> 00:10:24.229
And I just said, all we need to do is be kind, and I know that sounds easy and I know that for folks like you and Craig, that is part of your mission.
00:10:24.229 --> 00:10:44.289
And we also know, because the mission is needed, that many folks don't know how to do that, or maybe some small percentage of us humans, our biology or our chemistry is so different that we're not able to do that.
00:10:44.289 --> 00:10:55.368
And you know all of that concerns me.
00:10:55.368 --> 00:10:56.940
Which brings us back to our conversation, our topic today courage.
00:10:56.940 --> 00:11:10.815
You know those of us on this mission, the oh, my goodness gracious the millions, millions upon millions of educators in the world, and I don't believe you need an educational degree to be an educator.
00:11:10.815 --> 00:11:15.145
Education happens when any two human beings are gathered together.
00:11:15.788 --> 00:11:39.851
You know there's scripture about that and it's so important we understand that that is a significant responsibility when we're sitting down together and conversing, as we are right now, to have the courage to speak our truth, to equally have the courage to listen to someone else's truth.
00:11:39.851 --> 00:11:57.154
And that is as a 72-year-old who now has been doing this work for 50 years, I confess I'm getting a little afraid.
00:11:57.154 --> 00:12:06.904
I'm getting a little afraid that I won't leave this world a better place than when I walked into it.
00:12:06.904 --> 00:12:07.446
That's just a fear.
00:12:07.446 --> 00:12:10.408
It doesn't immobilize me, but that's where I'm at today.
00:12:10.408 --> 00:12:13.371
So our courage and the word I love the word.
00:12:13.412 --> 00:12:14.854
You know I geek out about words.
00:12:14.854 --> 00:12:16.155
I love the word.
00:12:16.155 --> 00:12:34.481
The two derivations that I'm familiar with are either core, which comes from the Latin, or coer, c-o-u-e-r, which comes from the French, and it means to be one with your heart, to be one with your heart, and that's just an exquisite place to be.
00:12:34.481 --> 00:12:37.769
I love human beings that are one with their heart.
00:12:37.769 --> 00:12:51.173
And then you know Craig was mentioning something earlier when we're in that place where we're having a challenging day, we're in that place like, like it has been here.
00:12:51.173 --> 00:12:54.344
I'm in suburban philadelphia where we had a.
00:12:54.344 --> 00:13:00.441
We had like I thought we had an endless array of gray days and I need a little sun.
00:13:00.441 --> 00:13:00.821
Today.
00:13:00.821 --> 00:13:03.885
Thank god it's, it's sunny and it's 52.
00:13:03.885 --> 00:13:05.349
It's like whoo 52.
00:13:05.349 --> 00:13:24.153
So I'm overjoyed and you will forgive me Krista knows this, craig I'm a rambler, so every once in a while, if I ramble down a road and I can't find my way back, just call me back.
00:13:24.741 --> 00:13:25.846
You are in great company.
00:13:30.506 --> 00:13:32.511
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:13:32.511 --> 00:14:00.923
So that courage that is us, that's who we are, that courage is our kindness, that courage is our compassion, that courage is our empathy, that courage is getting out of bed on those days we'd rather put the covers up over our head.
00:14:00.923 --> 00:14:16.423
That courage are those days when that person you love did something that just bugs the hell out of you and you remember the greater good.
00:14:16.423 --> 00:14:20.855
You remember the greater good.
00:14:20.855 --> 00:14:24.986
There's this.
00:14:24.986 --> 00:14:26.932
Krista knows this book, craig, you may know it.
00:14:26.932 --> 00:14:31.389
Dr Dacre Keltner, out of Berkeley, the book Born to be Good.
00:14:31.389 --> 00:14:33.115
It's one of my favorites.
00:14:33.115 --> 00:14:36.306
I was talking about it in physical therapy.
00:14:36.306 --> 00:14:37.850
I talk about it wherever I go.
00:14:37.850 --> 00:14:41.518
So, craig, you'll remember this.
00:14:41.518 --> 00:14:42.586
Krista, you'll remember this.
00:14:42.586 --> 00:14:52.654
When we were children, we were taught a little bit about Darwin, huh, charles Darwin and theories of how human beings evolve.
00:14:52.654 --> 00:14:56.094
And what's that famous line you remember?
00:14:56.094 --> 00:14:59.511
I know you remember it.
00:15:02.166 --> 00:15:05.054
The one about the strongest evolve.
00:15:05.576 --> 00:15:07.140
Amen, there it is.
00:15:07.160 --> 00:15:08.244
Yeah, yes.
00:15:08.464 --> 00:15:11.254
Yeah, the strongest survive.
00:15:11.254 --> 00:15:19.755
That's a lie and in fact Charles Darwin never said those words.
00:15:19.755 --> 00:15:24.556
Those words are written by jealous competitors.
00:15:24.556 --> 00:15:34.153
Darwin wrote, and now I quote survival of the sympathetic, survival of the sympathetic.
00:15:34.153 --> 00:15:46.870
That was Darwin writing back then about all his studies of various species on planet Earth that he studied for years and years and years who survives?
00:15:46.870 --> 00:15:54.399
The caring, the kind, the compassionate, the other-oriented.
00:15:54.399 --> 00:16:03.077
So I feel like part of my mission is to remind people who they are.
00:16:03.077 --> 00:16:07.274
An old old friend of mine, kristen, knows Dr Yvonne Kay.
00:16:07.274 --> 00:16:09.565
I just had tea with she's British.
00:16:09.565 --> 00:16:12.788
I just had tea with her and that's, that's a big deal.
00:16:12.788 --> 00:16:17.410
Last week and she just turned 90.
00:16:17.410 --> 00:16:20.735
Still still fiery and passionate and wonderful.
00:16:20.735 --> 00:16:31.653
Yvonne says her whole life has been introducing people to themselves, introducing people to themselves.
00:16:31.653 --> 00:16:59.115
So that, my friends, is our work, to help people know who they are and in that is that courageous, kind, compassionate, loving human being well, it definitely there's a lot to you know, to reflect on and for many of us to consider.
00:16:59.894 --> 00:17:18.528
We are in an environment where it's for me hard to unplug from the world at large because in the work that we do as educators, as humans, we're trying to stay up on all of the latest science or news.
00:17:18.528 --> 00:17:26.067
Some of us find ourselves going to TikTok or IG versus, you know, to find our inspiration, find ourselves.
00:17:26.067 --> 00:18:07.551
But I think that, you know, starting with kindness with yourself was part of, like what happened between when Chris and I did our last podcast and now, which happens to be, like you know, within an hour and a half of each other, and I was telling my husband, who had walked through just to check in and see whether or not we were doing lunch, like, hey, you know, he had just shared about his doctor visit and I said, look, I'm trying to do my best to be kind to myself and forgive myself for just the thoughts that may have permeated in my brain over the day, because it didn't start out the way I was hoping it would.
00:18:07.551 --> 00:18:24.788
The anxiousness that I feel and sense, whether or not it's my own, and sometimes we forget that sometimes the level of kindness and care that we have for others who are going through things like that's in the ether that energy is present and that we have to account for that.
00:18:24.788 --> 00:18:44.237
Sometimes we can't even name it and say like I don't know why I feel this way because five minutes ago I was having lunch it was the greatest you know cup of lavender and lime tea and all the greens did what they were supposed to do and be greeny, and I feel like all that deliciousness was happening because it was green goddess, which is my favorite hot dog.
00:18:44.237 --> 00:18:49.509
And then all of a sudden you move from one room to the next and then all of a sudden you're like what is that Like?
00:18:49.509 --> 00:18:52.115
Why is this like?
00:18:52.115 --> 00:18:56.672
What is going on in my ether, in my world, that all of a sudden it shifts on a dime.
00:18:57.973 --> 00:19:10.469
I understand that, as much work that I do to try to be a decent human being, every day that I wake up and try to do the things that I know will help to not only help me to thrive but others to thrive, including my family.
00:19:10.469 --> 00:19:17.633
But sometimes I also have to recognize that I have to be kind of myself when I'm like, oh, that's a judgment about that.
00:19:17.633 --> 00:19:31.375
Oh, I should have been doing that but that didn't happen, or being able to say I can still be present and be here with you all while all the other things of the world are going on and we sometimes think that we have to get things done.
00:19:31.375 --> 00:19:41.587
We have to show up in these ways, that we have to continue to produce and do all this stuff, because if we don't, we're not going to be seen.
00:19:41.587 --> 00:19:51.973
Because it comes down to do we feel worthy, right, and it's hard to know whether or not you feel worthy, because we've shifted what worthy should look like.
00:19:52.205 --> 00:19:58.990
Because I think when you talk about Darwin, darwin was really talking about community and just your relationship from one person to the next.
00:19:59.325 --> 00:20:00.570
Sometimes it's just about you.
00:20:01.269 --> 00:20:18.132
But when I think about the greater world we're in I'll speak for Craig, I'm not going to speak for anybody else I'm still on this hamster wheel of thinking like I need to show up in these ways in this world, because that's what worthiness looks like, that's what it looks like that I'm making an impact.
00:20:18.554 --> 00:20:32.000
But I then take away each of the small moments that I've had with a friend who just called me for five minutes about something, or my smiling and talking with Krista right before we start a podcast.
00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:42.615
I have taken value away from those conversations and experiences because I think that it's not worthy if it's not only in the public square.
00:20:42.615 --> 00:20:48.281
And so I just as you talk about that, like that's surfacing for me and something I'm wrestling with.
00:20:48.281 --> 00:21:15.270
So as we talk about courage and we're talking about kindness and I'm just like putting myself in the public square, that, for those who may think you have to have it all together or because we're out here, that there are not down moments or there are not moments where I'm human and imperfect and flawed and moody- yeah, you shared so many important things and again, words, key words resonate with me.
00:21:15.692 --> 00:21:25.278
One of the first key words you shared was unplug, and I think that is essential, that we do literally unplug on a regular basis.
00:21:25.278 --> 00:21:40.852
So Kristen knows this I don't have an iPhone, I don't have a Apple Watch, I have an old flip phone and it stays in the car and I use it twice.
00:21:40.852 --> 00:21:48.790
I use it to say honey, I'm here, wherever that might be, and I use it to say honey I'm on my way home.
00:21:48.790 --> 00:21:53.526
That's all I use it for, and I don't know my number.
00:21:54.227 --> 00:21:54.708
I know it.
00:21:55.529 --> 00:21:55.891
Okay.
00:21:56.151 --> 00:22:02.289
Oh, and you use it to say Krista, I'm here and I'm like yes, so I get to be on that call every once in a while.
00:22:02.410 --> 00:22:05.877
But then you know not to call me because I don't know how to answer it.
00:22:05.877 --> 00:22:10.474
So so I say that and that's.
00:22:10.474 --> 00:22:11.257
That's true.
00:22:11.257 --> 00:22:22.670
But I also say that somewhat jokingly, I hope to to to remind myself what am I going to unplug from?
00:22:22.670 --> 00:22:26.949
Because if I'm plugged into everything, it's going to make me nuts.
00:22:26.949 --> 00:22:29.659
I mean literally, it's going to drive me crazy.
00:22:29.659 --> 00:22:35.554
No human being can withstand all that's out there 24-7.
00:22:35.554 --> 00:22:36.336
It's too much.
00:22:36.336 --> 00:22:38.138
We must unplug.
00:22:38.138 --> 00:22:55.701
So, whatever your practice might be, whether your practice is called prayer or meditation or contemplation, or your practice is called dance or singing or art, or whatever your practice is, we need to do it.
00:22:56.085 --> 00:23:01.057
And again, another key concept you shared, craig to be kind to ourselves.
00:23:01.057 --> 00:23:04.289
To be kind to ourselves.
00:23:04.289 --> 00:23:07.157
I am still learning at 72.
00:23:07.157 --> 00:23:13.117
If I am not kind to me, then I will fall short on being kind to you.
00:23:13.117 --> 00:23:22.756
This beautiful reciprocity that happens with us human beings as I fill my glass.
00:23:22.756 --> 00:23:26.259
That happens with us human beings as I fill my glass, your glass is also filled.
00:23:26.259 --> 00:23:37.067
There is no separation between us, except the separation we choose to put there.
00:23:37.067 --> 00:23:38.509
Our energies flow together.
00:23:38.509 --> 00:23:44.413
We are right now breathing the same air in Massachusetts and in Pennsylvania.
00:23:44.413 --> 00:23:51.477
We're breathing the same air that King breathed and Gandhi breathed and Hitler breathed.
00:23:51.477 --> 00:23:53.738
We're breathing the same air.
00:23:53.738 --> 00:23:54.818
It's just recycled.
00:23:55.380 --> 00:24:00.383
So again, a key word you shared forgiveness.
00:24:00.383 --> 00:24:06.135
Oh my goodness, forgiveness is an absolute must within courage.
00:24:06.135 --> 00:24:19.909
See, in the faith I grew up in, I learned I was taught literally and emphatically how to forgive others who had hurt me.
00:24:19.909 --> 00:24:41.890
At 72, I'm still working on how to forgive myself and it is so important and including to allow myself my mistakes, including to allow my frailties, because that's what makes me fully human.
00:24:41.890 --> 00:24:46.338
I've, you know, I've earned this bad back.
00:24:46.338 --> 00:24:49.732
I've earned this bald head.
00:24:49.732 --> 00:24:54.070
This is me, this is me, this is all of me.
00:24:54.070 --> 00:24:59.990
So the forgiveness piece is so essential.
00:24:59.990 --> 00:25:15.779
You also mentioned worth and our value, and I think this is probably why I'm still doing this work at 72.
00:25:17.586 --> 00:25:19.934
I remember vivid moments in my life.
00:25:19.934 --> 00:25:41.208
Here I am, I'm an old man talking to two beautiful human beings, and I can still remember that moment when I met as a freshman in high school with my counselor and they had some early assessments there, and he looked at me, didn't know me yet we had no relationship.
00:25:41.208 --> 00:25:43.474
Underline that where we can come back there.
00:25:43.474 --> 00:25:52.318
And he looked at me from some paper and he said you know, tom, college isn't for you.
00:25:52.318 --> 00:25:54.489
I'm in ninth grade.
00:25:54.489 --> 00:25:56.075
College isn't for you.
00:25:56.075 --> 00:25:59.489
You should really think about getting a job working with your hands.
00:25:59.489 --> 00:26:01.538
Now, he doesn't understand.
00:26:01.538 --> 00:26:03.746
I have no working with hands ability at all.
00:26:05.853 --> 00:26:17.210
My father was a great person working with his hands, my youngest son's great worker with his hands, and I admire everybody in the trades because I'll pay you anything to fix anything that's broken because I can't fix it.
00:26:17.210 --> 00:26:22.607
But here, in a little nutshell, this man told me what my future is going to be.
00:26:22.607 --> 00:26:26.217
Now, thank goodness there's enough of a revolutionary in me.
00:26:26.217 --> 00:26:31.557
I quietly in my mind said bullshit, no way.
00:26:31.557 --> 00:26:35.055
And I continue to work from there.
00:26:35.055 --> 00:26:42.838
But how about those young people that don't have the resources?
00:26:42.838 --> 00:26:44.882
That don't have the resources?
00:26:44.882 --> 00:26:54.291
How about those young people that may not be blessed, as I was with a mother and father said yeah, you work hard enough, you can go to college, we'll make it happen.
00:26:54.291 --> 00:27:05.634
How about those young people who and this breaks my heart in early elementary school are already feeling less than someone else?
00:27:05.634 --> 00:27:14.459
That, for me, is one of the most heartbreaking things in humanity when somebody feels less than someone else.
00:27:14.459 --> 00:27:25.988
Krista, I had a sense you might want to say something might want to say something.
00:27:26.008 --> 00:27:50.696
Yeah, I think that when I'm hearing you speak, what is also coming up and I know this from other conversations that you and I've had that part of being courageous is also the courage to advocate for people and to be an ally, to be an accomplice, to support people, like you've just said, that you know have been told something that is taking away their sense of worth and their value.
00:27:50.696 --> 00:27:57.535
Or somebody making a comment without having that relationship and not really knowing, like somebody making those assumptions.
00:27:57.535 --> 00:28:08.666
And when I think about the courage to teach and the courage to lead, I also feel that there's a courage to advocate in there, absolutely.
00:28:11.114 --> 00:28:13.380
Again, we're here, as Craig mentioned.
00:28:13.380 --> 00:28:15.085
We are here in community.
00:28:15.085 --> 00:28:18.932
We are designed to be part of community.
00:28:18.932 --> 00:28:26.246
If we're all alone, we dissipate and die of community.
00:28:26.246 --> 00:28:27.548
If we're all alone, we dissipate and die.
00:28:27.548 --> 00:28:27.788
We are here.
00:28:27.828 --> 00:28:29.873
Connection, as Brene Brown reminds us, we're hardwired for connection.
00:28:29.873 --> 00:28:43.291
So this idea of advocating for the other, whomever the other may be, whatever needs the other may have, this idea of advocating for me is one of my chosen responsibilities.
00:28:43.291 --> 00:28:47.586
That's kind of who I was raised to be.
00:28:47.586 --> 00:29:01.452
I understood that early in my life and that you know I love that word again response ability, the ability to respond in whatever life throws at us.
00:29:01.452 --> 00:29:06.798
And you know one of my mentors, Viktor Frankl oh, my gosh, he talked about.
00:29:06.798 --> 00:29:08.881
So here I still.
00:29:09.204 --> 00:29:11.093
I try to wrap my head around this.
00:29:11.093 --> 00:29:14.515
Here is Frankl in his third concentration camp.
00:29:14.515 --> 00:29:16.971
He's in Auschwitz.
00:29:16.971 --> 00:29:20.153
That's the place you're going to die.
00:29:20.153 --> 00:29:22.488
Everyone knows you're going to die.
00:29:22.488 --> 00:29:26.173
And he thinks to himself.
00:29:26.834 --> 00:29:31.140
Courage, he dares to think to himself.
00:00:01.683 --> 00:00:07.653
00:00:07.653 --> 00:00:13.012
00:00:13.012 --> 00:00:21.891
00:00:21.891 --> 00:00:26.192
00:00:26.192 --> 00:00:28.085
00:00:28.085 --> 00:00:29.208
00:00:29.830 --> 00:00:40.033
00:00:40.033 --> 00:00:46.673
00:00:46.673 --> 00:00:54.131
00:00:54.131 --> 00:00:58.408
00:00:58.408 --> 00:01:05.326
00:01:05.326 --> 00:01:21.650
00:01:21.650 --> 00:01:23.805
00:01:24.200 --> 00:01:25.343
00:01:25.343 --> 00:01:28.102
00:01:28.102 --> 00:01:51.947
00:01:51.947 --> 00:02:05.674
00:02:05.674 --> 00:02:07.787
00:02:07.787 --> 00:02:10.068
00:02:10.068 --> 00:02:13.830
00:02:13.830 --> 00:02:18.126
00:02:18.480 --> 00:02:21.971
00:02:21.971 --> 00:02:27.712
00:02:27.712 --> 00:02:35.427
00:02:35.427 --> 00:02:42.473
00:02:42.473 --> 00:02:58.650
00:02:58.650 --> 00:03:15.628
00:03:15.628 --> 00:03:18.661
00:03:19.302 --> 00:03:56.961
00:03:56.961 --> 00:04:08.747
00:04:08.747 --> 00:04:10.242
00:04:10.242 --> 00:04:13.192
00:04:13.192 --> 00:04:15.748
00:04:15.748 --> 00:04:20.490
00:04:20.490 --> 00:04:26.223
00:04:26.223 --> 00:04:30.375
00:04:30.375 --> 00:04:35.069
00:04:35.069 --> 00:04:43.168
00:04:43.889 --> 00:04:52.793
00:04:52.793 --> 00:04:56.129
00:04:56.129 --> 00:05:01.987
00:05:01.987 --> 00:05:15.228
00:05:15.228 --> 00:05:24.230
00:05:24.230 --> 00:05:33.141
00:05:33.141 --> 00:05:44.884
00:05:44.884 --> 00:05:50.367
00:05:50.367 --> 00:05:59.173
00:05:59.173 --> 00:06:03.958
00:06:07.360 --> 00:06:08.583
00:06:08.583 --> 00:06:11.009
00:06:11.009 --> 00:06:15.742
00:06:15.742 --> 00:06:18.247
00:06:18.247 --> 00:06:37.716
00:06:37.716 --> 00:06:39.139
00:06:39.139 --> 00:06:51.341
00:06:53.526 --> 00:07:08.074
00:07:08.074 --> 00:07:18.670
00:07:18.670 --> 00:07:30.180
00:07:30.180 --> 00:07:35.091
00:07:35.091 --> 00:07:42.685
00:07:42.685 --> 00:07:43.747
00:07:43.767 --> 00:07:44.829
00:07:44.829 --> 00:08:00.721
00:08:00.721 --> 00:08:02.704
00:08:02.704 --> 00:08:07.187
00:08:07.187 --> 00:08:11.572
00:08:11.572 --> 00:08:14.853
00:08:14.853 --> 00:08:16.536
00:08:16.536 --> 00:08:21.862
00:08:21.862 --> 00:08:32.107
00:08:32.107 --> 00:08:38.408
00:08:38.408 --> 00:08:46.672
00:08:47.240 --> 00:08:49.306
00:08:49.306 --> 00:08:55.712
00:08:55.712 --> 00:09:06.615
00:09:06.615 --> 00:09:15.980
00:09:15.980 --> 00:09:20.922
00:09:20.922 --> 00:09:23.205
00:09:23.205 --> 00:09:26.890
00:09:28.113 --> 00:09:45.780
00:09:45.780 --> 00:09:46.423
00:09:46.423 --> 00:10:05.573
00:10:05.573 --> 00:10:24.229
00:10:24.229 --> 00:10:44.289
00:10:44.289 --> 00:10:55.368
00:10:55.368 --> 00:10:56.940
00:10:56.940 --> 00:11:10.815
00:11:10.815 --> 00:11:15.145
00:11:15.788 --> 00:11:39.851
00:11:39.851 --> 00:11:57.154
00:11:57.154 --> 00:12:06.904
00:12:06.904 --> 00:12:07.446
00:12:07.446 --> 00:12:10.408
00:12:10.408 --> 00:12:13.371
00:12:13.412 --> 00:12:14.854
00:12:14.854 --> 00:12:16.155
00:12:16.155 --> 00:12:34.481
00:12:34.481 --> 00:12:37.769
00:12:37.769 --> 00:12:51.173
00:12:51.173 --> 00:12:54.344
00:12:54.344 --> 00:13:00.441
00:13:00.441 --> 00:13:00.821
00:13:00.821 --> 00:13:03.885
00:13:03.885 --> 00:13:05.349
00:13:05.349 --> 00:13:24.153
00:13:24.741 --> 00:13:25.846
00:13:30.506 --> 00:13:32.511
00:13:32.511 --> 00:14:00.923
00:14:00.923 --> 00:14:16.423
00:14:16.423 --> 00:14:20.855
00:14:20.855 --> 00:14:24.986
00:14:24.986 --> 00:14:26.932
00:14:26.932 --> 00:14:31.389
00:14:31.389 --> 00:14:33.115
00:14:33.115 --> 00:14:36.306
00:14:36.306 --> 00:14:37.850
00:14:37.850 --> 00:14:41.518
00:14:41.518 --> 00:14:42.586
00:14:42.586 --> 00:14:52.654
00:14:52.654 --> 00:14:56.094
00:14:56.094 --> 00:14:59.511
00:15:02.166 --> 00:15:05.054
00:15:05.576 --> 00:15:07.140
00:15:07.160 --> 00:15:08.244
00:15:08.464 --> 00:15:11.254
00:15:11.254 --> 00:15:19.755
00:15:19.755 --> 00:15:24.556
00:15:24.556 --> 00:15:34.153
00:15:34.153 --> 00:15:46.870
00:15:46.870 --> 00:15:54.399
00:15:54.399 --> 00:16:03.077
00:16:03.077 --> 00:16:07.274
00:16:07.274 --> 00:16:09.565
00:16:09.565 --> 00:16:12.788
00:16:12.788 --> 00:16:17.410
00:16:17.410 --> 00:16:20.735
00:16:20.735 --> 00:16:31.653
00:16:31.653 --> 00:16:59.115
00:16:59.894 --> 00:17:18.528
00:17:18.528 --> 00:17:26.067
00:17:26.067 --> 00:18:07.551
00:18:07.551 --> 00:18:24.788
00:18:24.788 --> 00:18:44.237
00:18:44.237 --> 00:18:49.509
00:18:49.509 --> 00:18:52.115
00:18:52.115 --> 00:18:56.672
00:18:57.973 --> 00:19:10.469
00:19:10.469 --> 00:19:17.633
00:19:17.633 --> 00:19:31.375
00:19:31.375 --> 00:19:41.587
00:19:41.587 --> 00:19:51.973
00:19:52.205 --> 00:19:58.990
00:19:59.325 --> 00:20:00.570
00:20:01.269 --> 00:20:18.132
00:20:18.554 --> 00:20:32.000
00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:42.615
00:20:42.615 --> 00:20:48.281
00:20:48.281 --> 00:21:15.270
00:21:15.692 --> 00:21:25.278
00:21:25.278 --> 00:21:40.852
00:21:40.852 --> 00:21:48.790
00:21:48.790 --> 00:21:53.526
00:21:54.227 --> 00:21:54.708
00:21:55.529 --> 00:21:55.891
00:21:56.151 --> 00:22:02.289
00:22:02.410 --> 00:22:05.877
00:22:05.877 --> 00:22:10.474
00:22:10.474 --> 00:22:11.257
00:22:11.257 --> 00:22:22.670
00:22:22.670 --> 00:22:26.949
00:22:26.949 --> 00:22:29.659
00:22:29.659 --> 00:22:35.554
00:22:35.554 --> 00:22:36.336
00:22:36.336 --> 00:22:38.138
00:22:38.138 --> 00:22:55.701
00:22:56.085 --> 00:23:01.057
00:23:01.057 --> 00:23:04.289
00:23:04.289 --> 00:23:07.157
00:23:07.157 --> 00:23:13.117
00:23:13.117 --> 00:23:22.756
00:23:22.756 --> 00:23:26.259
00:23:26.259 --> 00:23:37.067
00:23:37.067 --> 00:23:38.509
00:23:38.509 --> 00:23:44.413
00:23:44.413 --> 00:23:51.477
00:23:51.477 --> 00:23:53.738
00:23:53.738 --> 00:23:54.818
00:23:55.380 --> 00:24:00.383
00:24:00.383 --> 00:24:06.135
00:24:06.135 --> 00:24:19.909
00:24:19.909 --> 00:24:41.890
00:24:41.890 --> 00:24:46.338
00:24:46.338 --> 00:24:49.732
00:24:49.732 --> 00:24:54.070
00:24:54.070 --> 00:24:59.990
00:24:59.990 --> 00:25:15.779
00:25:17.586 --> 00:25:19.934
00:25:19.934 --> 00:25:41.208
00:25:41.208 --> 00:25:43.474
00:25:43.474 --> 00:25:52.318
00:25:52.318 --> 00:25:54.489
00:25:54.489 --> 00:25:56.075
00:25:56.075 --> 00:25:59.489
00:25:59.489 --> 00:26:01.538
00:26:01.538 --> 00:26:03.746
00:26:05.853 --> 00:26:17.210
00:26:17.210 --> 00:26:22.607
00:26:22.607 --> 00:26:26.217
00:26:26.217 --> 00:26:31.557
00:26:31.557 --> 00:26:35.055
00:26:35.055 --> 00:26:42.838
00:26:42.838 --> 00:26:44.882
00:26:44.882 --> 00:26:54.291
00:26:54.291 --> 00:27:05.634
00:27:05.634 --> 00:27:14.459
00:27:14.459 --> 00:27:25.988
00:27:26.008 --> 00:27:50.696
00:27:50.696 --> 00:27:57.535
00:27:57.535 --> 00:28:08.666
00:28:11.114 --> 00:28:13.380
00:28:13.380 --> 00:28:15.085
00:28:15.085 --> 00:28:18.932
00:28:18.932 --> 00:28:26.246
00:28:26.246 --> 00:28:27.548
00:28:27.548 --> 00:28:27.788
00:28:27.828 --> 00:28:29.873
00:28:29.873 --> 00:28:43.291
00:28:43.291 --> 00:28:47.586
00:28:47.586 --> 00:29:01.452
00:29:01.452 --> 00:29:06.798
00:29:06.798 --> 00:29:08.881
00:29:09.204 --> 00:29:11.093
00:29:11.093 --> 00:29:14.515
00:29:14.515 --> 00:29:16.971
00:29:16.971 --> 00:29:20.153
00:29:20.153 --> 00:29:22.488
00:29:22.488 --> 00:29:26.173
00:29:26.834 --> 00:29:31.140