067: Empowering First-Generation Students with Ashlea Goerlich

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Welcome to SEL in EDU where we discuss all things social and emotional in education.

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I'm Krista and I'm Craig and we are your hosts on this journey.

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Hello SEL and EDU family.

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Thank you for returning once again.

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We have an amazing podcast episode ready for you, and I am joined by my dear friend, ms Tammy Musiasky-Borderman, who I'm just going to shorten to Tammy MB, and we were just talking about this as we came online when I sent her mail.

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It takes up the entire package across because I have big writing.

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So, tammy MB, how are you today?

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I am doing well and yeah, I appreciate you know the wanting to include all of the letters of my name, but also you don't have to because we know that.

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You know USPS usually does their job and stuff arrives to my house.

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So, thank you, you can shorten to MB and it will arrive.

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Whatever you say, this is true.

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Yeah, I'm pretty good today.

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We've done a few recordings, so it's been fun to chat with some people today and I'm excited to talk to our guests today as well.

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How are you today?

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I'm good, I'm good and actually I'm thinking in my head.

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My husband and I went axe throwing this weekend and they went to look up my name in the waiver and they're like um, your last name.

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And I'm like Leigh L-E-H.

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They're like um, can you give us your phone number?

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And I'm like huh, they're like we need more than four letters in order to look up the last name and I'm like, no, we're at two opposite spectrums here with like really long last name and then the really short last name.

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But prior to hitting record, we were just talking in general how important last names are and first names and to make sure that we're pronouncing them correctly, and so I'm excited to bring on our guest for today.

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Her name is Ashley Gerlich and I met Ashley at some of the work sessions that we had done in another state and around how we can best support students, and you know how you and Tam, you know how, like when you're working in a session and you can make eye contact with people and you're like, okay, this is going to be my reference point, like if I'm making sense, I know I can look to this person, or if there's some, if I'm not making sense, this person is going to ground my reference point, like if I'm making sense, I know I can look to this person, or if there's some, if I'm not making sense, this person is going to ground me and that's what actually he did, because I knew that you were with me, or if I'm like I need to rephrase that so it's kind of a tip or a trick.

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I guess that facilitators have where you pick on a couple people and you're like I know they're with me, they get this and we kind of have similar energy, and so I love that you were like right up in the front too, because that just like filled my heart and so I'm excited to have you here.

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Let me introduce you to our SEL and EDU family.

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So Ashley has held various educational positions from early childhood to high school classrooms over the last 20 years, which I think is brilliant, because, while I love my boys and I love the little ones, I need to be working with high school kids.

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I love that you span this.

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She returned to college as an adult and earned her dual major bachelor's of education degree.

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As a single mom with twins, she is now a busy mom of teenagers dealing with the challenges of navigating the college process, at home and in her professional life, ashley is a manager in the TRIO Upward Bound program, where she assists limited income and potential first-generation students in local high schools, and, as a mom, is getting ready to launch her own twins off into the ether, as Tammy likes to say, to continue their lives.

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Ashley, thank you so much for joining us.

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How is your heart today?

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How are you doing?

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I'm doing pretty well.

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Like we said before we started recording, I'm dealing with the challenges of navigating the college process and having twin teenage girls, and work is always busy.

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We do as much as we can for our students, so I feel like things are just kind of fast paced right now, but I'm keeping up and I feel well and I'm super happy to be here.

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Thank you, and I feel that sometimes when we talk about well, some people talk about like separating their personal life and their professional life, and then you have times where they start to merge, and especially when you have kids who are of the age of the kids that you're working with, and so not only are you supporting students through Upward Bound, but then you know doing the same process at home, and I would love to learn more about Upward Bound and the opportunities that you work on to provide to students to provide to students?

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Sure, so TRIO, upward Bound, is actually a federally grant-funded program.

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So there are other TRIO programs under that TRIO umbrella, like Student Support Services and Academic Talent Search.

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Trio is one of those three.

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I'm sorry, upward Bound is one of those three.

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I'm sorry, upward Bound is one of those three trio programs.

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So we work with high school students who are preparing to be first generation college students and they're also the majority, uh, limited income as well.

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So the purpose of Upward Bound is to level the playing field for students going to college.

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You know it shouldn't just be students and families who can afford it.

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I know it's hard for everyone, but it's even more difficult for students who come from limited income backgrounds.

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So what we do in Upward Bound is all things college prep.

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So we do campus visits with our students, helping them, you know, find their future college or university, getting them on college campuses to see what it is that they're looking for, what it is they like and they don't like.

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So we do those visits.

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We also do weekly scholar meetings where they do a wide variety of activities, trying to figure out what career they might want to have, maybe what they want to major in, how to prepare for going to college, how to adjust.

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You know being away from family, how far do you want to go, how close do you want to stay?

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So they work on that every week throughout the school year.

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Some of our students join freshman year and they are in our program until they graduate and we cover a lot of ground in those years.

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We cover a lot of ground in those years.

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We also have quarterly academies for our students.

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Where they come to the college.

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We have speakers for them, presentations, workshops, on a wide range of things too, even working on their mental health.

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You know it's not.

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That's part of of being a well-rounded student and being prepared for college is is working on your mental health.

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So I know I'm leaving things out, but we take cultural trips.

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So we've gone to, you know, museums and taken them out of town and gone to all kinds of places.

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Program where students get to live in residence halls at a local university and then they take mock college classes at the local community college so that they have that dorm experience.

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What's it like to live away from home and to have a roommate, to be in class as part of the day and then have more free time than you do when you're in high school.

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How do you feel that and how do you stay responsible?

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I think that covers most of what we do, but we do.

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We just do a lot and we call Upward Bound a family because we get to know each other so well, we spend so much time together and we really just put our arms around our students and and bring them in and do everything we can for them and offer a lot of support to students and their family.

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I feel like that was a really long-winded answer it was great, tammy, go ahead.

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I was just gonna ask, know, just thinking about all of the things that you offer, or your program offers, to families and students how do they because it is a lot right, so there's a lot of things that they can do and participate in question, and I'm going to try not to but what's the what's the general like emotion that is happening when you're especially this time of year, cause we're in April and kids are graduating high school, and so are we seeing lots of like nervousness or excitement or combination, like how are kids reacting at this point in their life, knowing that you know this big step is coming, especially, you know, thinking that maybe they weren't going to have the opportunity to go to post-secondary education?

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I think the feeling that I get from students and parents is very opposite ends of the spectrum, I would say.

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The majority of our students are so excited and because they've spent time in our program preparing for this, they don't feel as nervous as maybe some other students might who haven't had this experience.

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So our students are so excited.

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Parents, I think, are the ones who are more nervous and having a harder time with that.

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And I feel like you know I was saying my twins are getting close to leaving home and going to college as well, and I feel like I relate to that more than ever.

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I was saying you know, I can send students to college all day, every day, but when it comes to my own it's, it's so personal and it and it hits different, and so I feel like that's something my students say that hits different, but anyway.

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So I feel like I relate to parents feeling that way now.

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I always imagined what that would feel like, but now I can say I'm starting to know how that feels.

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But there's definitely a sense of excitement in our program right now.

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Our seniors we just took senior pictures for them last weekend.

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Weekend we have a banquet coming up to celebrate their graduation.

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We invite all the families, all the students are invited.

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We have a really great time together and we recognize their accomplishments and I think all of that just kind of adds to this excitement that they're feeling right now.

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One of the things that I think about is just the amount of preparation that you do to help them get ready to travel on and to continue on their journey.

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My bonus son is a senior and is graduating in two months.

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My oldest son is graduating college in a month, and so they're both in their transition years too, and you know, you have this feeling of pride for your kids, but then also like a scary nervousness because you're sending them out and they're going out without you.

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And so I think, as caregivers, we've spent so much time with our kids and with students.

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Because you've just said time with our kids and with students, because you've just said you've spent four years with some of these children and young adults, watching them grow, watching them flourish, and one of the pieces that really resonated with me was you're giving opportunities for them to go to museums, to do different cultural events, because often, depending upon where people live and you know if you're in a very rural area, it's really hard to get transportation into a city in some states it could be several hours and so helping to ensure that the students are having experiences outside of their town so that when they do go off to college and are meeting.

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You know tons of different people from all walks of life.

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They feel not so much like a fish out of water.

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Have you found that to be very helpful for the students, or is there connections to students who've been part of the program who come back and talk about their experiences at college?

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Yes, we try to include our graduates as much as possible.

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We bring them back whenever we can.

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For example, we had our recent workshop and all the students were invited and we had a presentation on mental health.

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That was part of it and the other part was adjusting a college and we had students from a local university who are in the humanities and education social work department come and present to our students, and one of them was a graduate from our program.

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The student that just or the photographer that just took our senior pictures last weekend was one of our graduates.

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Last year for our banquet when we had a speaker, we asked one of our graduates to come and be our speaker for us.

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So we're always asking for them to come back and continue to be part of that Upward Bound family.

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We really do.

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We mean what we say and we show our students that every day, that once you're part of this, you're always part of this.

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What are some of the skills?

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Again, because you're working on a lot of things in your program what are some of the skills that you are finding that you really have to, I hate to say like hammer in, but like keep revisiting over and over, knowing that these are the skills you're really going to need when you're starting to live on your own, because it's not just going to school, it's potentially living away from your parents, and so there's like these different skill sets.

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So what are you finding that?

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Those kind of like really top of mind skills that you have to keep revisiting over and over again with not just students but also parents, right, because that's another like we mentioned, there's different emotions there.

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So what are some of those things that students need to keep hearing over and over and keep developing, and then also parents when they have to learn to let go?

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So with students.

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I think one of the main things that we really have to work on with them and that we have to go over, over and over is communication and timeliness.

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Over and over is communication and timeliness.

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I have seen teenagers scared to death to make a phone call.

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They're just not used to those forms of communication.

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So the idea of having to call an admissions office and talk to someone is very daunting.

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You know they would rather just shoot a text message, but you know, as you're moving up in the world and things are becoming more professional, that's not an option.

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You have to be able to send a professional email, like I.

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In one of our workshops I talked to our students even about having a professional email.

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You know you see some of these email addresses and you're like you don't want to apply to college with that email address.

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You know it's fine when you're in high school and you're using that with your friends, but as you move on in this college process it's probably a good idea to set up a more professional email and working with them.

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One workshop I talked to them literally about making phone calls.

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You know how to sound professional on the phone.

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How do you introduce yourself, it's just, it seems like a basic skill, but it's not something that a lot of these kids have been doing.

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You know, it's social media and it's texting, and so having to be a professional in person, that's a big step.

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So that's something that I work on a lot with them and I think we have to talk about a lot Also timeliness, which I think it's just something about being a teenager that you just don't have a good sense of time and when things are due, especially long-term planning, tend to see the smaller picture.

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And so talking to them about the big picture and doing that long-term planning and reminding, reminding, reminding them when things need to be done, when things are due, and expressing the importance of learning to do that independently, I think is really important with this age group.

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You know, sometimes there are things that we have to have them maybe, for example, sign up for.

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Like they need to RSVP for an event and it never fails A couple of days after the RSVP is due.

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We've got some of them messaging.

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You know I really forgot, but I really want to go.

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Can I still get on there?

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I can't lie.

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I have a really I'm a soft heart and I usually give in, but I always tell them when you get to college or when you're applying for college.

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Even you can't, you cannot do these things.

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You've got to be on time because if you miss deadlines, you miss deadlines.

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You can't text them a couple of days later and say, oops, I didn't make it.

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Can I still get in on that?

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So another important thing to constantly remind our students about With parents it's completely different.

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With parents it's completely different.

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Um, I think with parents they just really need to hear that their students are ready and that they're going to be okay.

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You know, a lot of our, a lot of our students are first-generation college students in their family.

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So parents haven't been to college to have that reference, you know, of what that's like or what to expect.

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I was a first-gen college student.

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If there would have been an Upward Bound program at my high school, you know, a little while back, I would have qualified for that and I needed that.

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But that's a lot of our parents and so they just need a lot of reassurance.

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I think that their student is ready, that they've got this and it's going to be okay.

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It's just a big step so much of what you've just shared there really resonates because I think about even as much as I could have tried to prepare my kids.

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You know it's.

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It is a big step and at some point too, I reinforced to them like you don't need to know everything, like what your life looks like is not going from point A up to point B with no hills and valleys, and that's a part of life.

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And you know you have that support system here for learning how to navigate those twists and turns and the ups and downs, and I think that what you're creating with the students you said is a family, so that they have a point that they can reach back to through all those ups and downs and hills and valleys.

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I'm seeing the same thing with my own kids too.

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Around, you know, communication and trying to get on the phone, and even my son, who's in a freshman right now, has a great deal of anxiety and I feel bad because he got it passed down through me, but he's making phone calls too, like I do, and so I'm like, okay, let's plan this out.

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Like I write down notes before I make a phone call.

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So what are?

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You know we think about how can we provide some coping strategies and ways for our students to be successful, to overcome some of those things that are challenging for them, and so when I think about all the work that you're doing with helping first generation students navigate and try something new and to feel empowered to move forward with confidence into the world, I have to share that.

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Tammy and I got to see that in your own daughter when we met her, and so, as a parent, I was like wow, like not only are you providing these opportunities and resources for so many other students, but it is evident in the way that you've raised your own girls.

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And so I'd like to switch a little bit and to talk about.

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You know, when we talk about social emotional learning skills for our own kids, we want them to be advocates for themselves and to know how to communicate when they're facing adverse situations.

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And, having had conversations with you around social emotional learning, I'd love if you would be willing to share your experience a little bit around how to continue to raise strong, independent, caring, compassionate young people, when sometimes our adults are still learning, are still in that journey, or some of our students are still in that journey and don't know necessarily how to treat people kindly.

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So switching from that hat of working for Upward Bound and putting on the parent hat, how do you navigate those pieces?

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navigate those pieces.

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One thing that I've really had to learn as my girls have gotten older is the importance and the power of communication.

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I always wanted to be the mom that my daughters could come to with anything, and it's one thing to say that and it's one another thing to be that and so I've had to learn how to listen and validate, and those are really important parts of communication, especially with our young people.

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When they come to you, they don't want to be told what to do, and they don't always want an opinion or your guidance.

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You know your advice.

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Sometimes they really just need to be listened to, because it's a lot for them to even come to an adult, even if you're their parent and share certain things, and so just the fact that they're doing that, it's important to give them that platform without stepping in too much, waiting until it's your turn, I think.

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Waiting until it's your turn, I think Sometimes they just need validation.

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That was something that was hard for me to learn.

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I'm always the fix-it mom, and the mama bear in me, you know, wants to give them advice and just tell them what they should do and fix every problem and, you know, smooth out every bump.

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But it's more important first, I believe, to just really truly listen and then validate and not, oh well, you shouldn't feel that way, you should, you know, be proud of yourself.

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And it's important first to say I hear how you're feeling and you have every right to feel that way and kind of sit in it with them and when it's the right time, they'll be ready for what you have to say.

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But I think an important piece of communication really is just listening, especially with my daughters.

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Just to add this to they they've had, they've had a lot of experiences as they've gotten older that I have not had, and so I literally don't know how those, how those things feel.

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You know, for example, um, my children are biracial and I identify as white, so experiences that they've had as biracial people I have not had, and so I can't tell them how they should feel about that.

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I just have to sit in it with them and help them through it.

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One of the things that I thought was so courageous and so strong and amazing was that during our session and our session was around, if I'm remembering, it was around diversity and equity and inclusion in schools and how it can start with us, as educators, thinking about how we show up and maybe some of the socialized biases that we think about, and not all of our areas and regions are heterogeneous, you know, in terms of all the beautiful facets of diversity.

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And I remember having a conversation where you and I were talking and it was related to, I think, something around identity that we were talking about and you had shared about your daughters who were biracial and some of the hardships and I'm using that that's not a powerful enough word that some of the their peers and some of the mistreatment that they experienced.

00:27:23.295 --> 00:27:36.207
And a little bit later on I said, you know, I wonder if your daughter would be able to share, you know, even just in a text or you know some thoughts about that, and she volunteered to come in.

00:27:36.207 --> 00:27:40.037
Well, first she was bringing you coffee, which I'm like can I adopt you?

00:27:40.037 --> 00:27:42.190
Like Tammy and I are like this is amazing.

00:27:42.210 --> 00:27:45.326
She's like oh, I'm just happening to be in the neighborhood, do you need a coffee, mom?

00:27:45.326 --> 00:27:48.269
And I'm like you are fat.

00:27:48.269 --> 00:27:52.854
You know, not all kids think ahead to like take care of other people like that.

00:27:52.854 --> 00:28:12.758
And when she came in, she was willing to share her story for a couple minutes and I thought, wow, as a mom, that must have been such a proud moment for you to see her shine and with the strength and conviction to say yeah.

00:28:12.758 --> 00:28:19.173
These were some of the things that I experienced and this is what I'd recommend so it doesn't happen to other people.

00:28:19.173 --> 00:28:34.632
So I'd love to hear maybe some of the mama thoughts that you had as you saw your daughter stand up and be able to talk to a group of adults about how we could make things better, how we could make things better.

00:28:34.652 --> 00:28:36.576
I really was so proud of her that day.

00:28:36.576 --> 00:28:48.294
I wasn't sure when I asked her to stand up and do that, if she would be willing, and when she said she was, I felt pride even just in that moment.

00:28:48.294 --> 00:28:50.291
You know just that she'd be willing to do it.

00:28:50.291 --> 00:29:08.807
And watching her stand up there and speak on her experience and also answer people's questions and put thought into what people there wanted to know and try to answer that for them, I thought was really brave of her.

00:29:10.188 --> 00:29:44.309
But I'll tell you I felt even more proud when we talked about it at home because she shared with me that as a person of color, it was difficult for her to stand up in front of a room of people who didn't look like her and talk about her difficult experiences, especially knowing that she had connections to some of those people that she was speaking in front of.

00:29:44.309 --> 00:29:51.739
She shared that it really was difficult and she was nervous doing that, which I expected.

00:29:51.739 --> 00:30:01.615
But she put it into her perspective and that made sense to me and it made me proud again that she was willing to take that on.

00:30:01.615 --> 00:30:03.640
You know, at 17.

00:30:03.640 --> 00:30:15.537
I think she was 17 at the time it's it's difficult enough to stand up in front of a room full of adults and talk about anything at all, but to be so vulnerable.

00:30:15.537 --> 00:30:19.551
And then you know what she shared with me later.

00:30:19.551 --> 00:30:22.692
It just made me even more proud that she did something like that.

00:30:26.306 --> 00:30:27.488
Can you offer?

00:30:27.488 --> 00:30:40.551
So you know, the listeners listening to the podcast there's going to be a lot of parents, you know, being able to relate to a lot of the things that you've talked about, and can you share some of those?

00:30:40.551 --> 00:30:55.724
And obviously for educators as well, can you share some of the things that you've, some of the skills you've helped your daughters develop so that they are brave and they are courageous, to be able to speak about things or advocate for themselves?

00:30:55.724 --> 00:31:04.551
Because I think sometimes, like we say the thing like speak up for yourself, but then we don't know what the thing is to do, like what is, how do I do that?

00:31:04.551 --> 00:31:28.553
So can you offer a couple of tips for educators or parents just to offer to their whether, whether they're going from high school to college or, you know, wherever they are in their student life, just to kind of say, okay, here's some things that you can do that will, you know, help you be brave or help you advocate for yourself, or something like that.

00:31:38.872 --> 00:31:54.170
I'm trying to think back on a culmination of things that have led us to this point, but part of raising my girls has been leading by example and involving them in a lot of things that I do as an adult, but starting them early.

00:31:54.170 --> 00:32:21.893
For example, I started a giving project out of our house where we helped other families in need and collected donations and provided Christmases for families and meals for families, and I always made sure that they were part of that and I would talk to them about why we were doing those things.

00:32:21.893 --> 00:32:31.752
Even though they were little, they were wrapping Christmas presents for other kids and that's just one example.

00:32:31.752 --> 00:32:52.375
And that's just one example.

00:32:52.375 --> 00:33:01.661
I was their adult at school, sometimes not necessarily their teacher, but I was in their classrooms.

00:33:01.661 --> 00:33:02.884
I was their librarian.

00:33:02.884 --> 00:33:21.265
At one point there was a few years there where I ran a bilingual library program for about 500 K through five students and I was their librarian.

00:33:21.265 --> 00:33:31.637
So in a multitude of ways my daughters have been able to see me interact with people, whether it's their peers or with other adults or helping people in need.

00:33:33.384 --> 00:33:41.240
And, honestly, I and my daughters grew up low income.

00:33:41.240 --> 00:34:17.349
Before I started teaching, which is not the most lucrative career itself, I was a paraprofessional, so I was earning $14,000 a year and going to college full time and raising my kids by myself, kids by myself, and so things weren't easy and my, my daughters, have have lived through that and helped other people at the same time and I don't say that to, I hope that doesn't sound like it's bragging Um, I would never, ever want to come off that way.

00:34:17.349 --> 00:34:18.237
I'm just.

00:34:18.237 --> 00:34:22.764
I just want to share our lived experience and that's just.

00:34:22.764 --> 00:34:24.088
That's part of it.

00:34:24.088 --> 00:34:32.217
I just wanted to show my girls that you can always be there for other people, no matter your situation.

00:34:32.217 --> 00:34:38.344
You can find a way to do good for others, and so I just.

00:34:38.463 --> 00:34:44.512
I think seeing me in those various capacities over the years has helped shape who they are today.

00:34:44.512 --> 00:34:48.485
And I will also say I started them in therapy very young.

00:34:48.485 --> 00:35:03.666
I hope they don't mind me saying that out loud like this, but it wasn't because there was an issue, it's just because I see counseling as such a tool to help us better ourselves.

00:35:03.666 --> 00:35:20.317
You know, emotionally, mentally, it helps in all aspects of life and I feel like you know, keeping your mental health in check and having someone to talk to, especially for our kids.

00:35:20.317 --> 00:35:21.679
Once again, we can always tell them.

00:35:21.679 --> 00:35:29.567
You can always come to me and talk to me about anything, but there are certain things that it helps to hear from somebody else.

00:35:29.567 --> 00:35:33.010
You know to hear from a professional, if you will.

00:35:38.885 --> 00:35:41.074
So that's another thing that I think has been really helpful along the way.

00:35:41.074 --> 00:35:44.960
I love that you brought up that piece around therapy because it reminded me immediately of Kerry Washington.

00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:56.835
So she's this brilliant actress that has had, has, has played the role of such powerful, strong, inspirational women, women and she is in real life.

00:35:56.835 --> 00:36:03.762
And somebody said to her you know, you keep going to therapy why, like you know, don't you want to be done?

00:36:03.762 --> 00:36:05.422
Maybe you need to fire a therapist?

00:36:05.422 --> 00:36:18.503
And she's like no, the whole point of therapy is that I want to keep evolving and changing and it's good to have supports and outside perspective, like it's showing that I'm growing and I want to continue that.

00:36:18.503 --> 00:36:33.027
And I think that and I don't know from my perspective I feel that in hearing there has been a shift in like this is a natural thing to be able to experience, because we don't want to be stagnant.

00:36:33.027 --> 00:37:11.554
We want to keep challenging ourselves and being better advocates and growing in SEL skills, and it's a lonely world to try to do that on your own and to be able to get some outside perspective is really important, and I think that hearing you talk about how to continue to broaden horizons for the students that you're working with for your own children and having them see that you know there are opportunities that to continue to build connections and to build relationships.

00:37:11.554 --> 00:37:19.155
And it reminds me of a quote well, some research from somebody from Hofstra University, and I use it in most of my sessions.

00:37:19.155 --> 00:37:22.280
I learned it from one of my SEL mentors, tom Stecker.

00:37:22.280 --> 00:37:28.719
Dr Karen Osterman said the more I know about you, the less likely I'm even to think about hurting you.

00:37:29.860 --> 00:37:44.059
And so, in an educational setting, how can we work to foster connection among students so that they can get to know each other and to see what really matters and to support each other and to have empathy?

00:37:44.059 --> 00:37:49.338
And you've just shared all the different ways that that can happen at home.

00:37:49.338 --> 00:37:55.576
And I think that the other side of that, then, is also validating student experiences.

00:37:55.576 --> 00:38:14.550
So when they're sharing that they're being mistreated at school, that people are not respecting who they are and their space in the world, how can we as educators, also advocate and be an ally for students and say you know what?

00:38:14.550 --> 00:38:16.353
This is not what we do here.

00:38:16.353 --> 00:38:25.639
What we do here this is not how we treat people, and I see it as like a two-prong approach here.

00:38:25.639 --> 00:38:33.943
So, as caring parents and caregivers, you want to support your kids and help them, like Tammy asked, you know, be brave and be strong and advocate.

00:38:35.025 --> 00:38:54.086
And on the educational side, what can we do to continue to build a culture where we get students connected to each other and really set clear expectations, for this is the way that we treat one another with kindness, with respect, with dignity?

00:38:54.086 --> 00:39:16.847
Yeah, I think that your journey and your experiences and your willingness to share is going to be so important for educators, for parents, for caregivers, who've been on a similar journey and don't always get a chance to talk and to share what it's been like from their perspective.

00:39:16.847 --> 00:39:48.347
From their perspective, I wonder if, as we think about kind of coming to a close here, what advice would you give any educators or other parents with and it can be in a multitude of different ways based on your experiences to support students who are experiencing things that this joy of going off into their own life, or perhaps navigating some of the complexities that unfortunately happen.

00:39:48.347 --> 00:39:53.427
When you think about sharing your experiences, what would you leave with people?

00:39:56.815 --> 00:40:06.590
I think one thing I think is important to know that I've had to learn is that mistakes will happen and it's okay.

00:40:06.590 --> 00:40:15.186
Mistakes are part of life, and what I tell my daughters is it's only a mistake if you don't learn from it.

00:40:15.186 --> 00:40:22.507
If you learn from it and you grow, then it was a learning experience.

00:40:22.507 --> 00:40:26.041
You know it's only, it's only a mistake if you don't learn from it.

00:40:26.041 --> 00:40:28.327
But they're bound to happen.

00:40:28.327 --> 00:40:35.177
Our kids are going to make mistakes, no matter how we raise them, no matter how great they are, because that's how they learn.

00:40:35.177 --> 00:40:40.387
You know, I don't know everything yet, my daughter certainly don't.

00:40:40.387 --> 00:40:47.306
And so that learning process it's going to have some painful parts, and that's okay and it's normal.

00:40:47.306 --> 00:40:54.347
And I think how we handle that with our kids, whether it's our students or our own kids, is very important.

00:40:55.835 --> 00:40:57.800
Does making a mistake mean you're in trouble?

00:40:57.800 --> 00:41:04.965
Does it mean that there are repercussions, or does it mean that's a conversation to have?

00:41:04.965 --> 00:41:09.947
Is that something to communicate through and hear their perspective?

00:41:09.947 --> 00:41:13.143
Because there's always a reason that they make the decisions that they make.

00:41:13.143 --> 00:41:19.786
You know it doesn't always mean malice, it doesn't always mean that they did bad.

00:41:19.786 --> 00:41:22.103
You know it's that they're learning.

00:41:22.103 --> 00:41:43.869
And so I go back to the point I made earlier about communication really being so important, and sometimes we have to listen to things that are uncomfortable to hear or that we didn't want to hear, you know, but we have to communicate through it.

00:41:43.869 --> 00:41:51.724
We have to communicate and we have to validate, and I think that that's really important, whether it's at home or it's in the classroom.

00:41:51.724 --> 00:41:54.449
That's how I feel.

00:41:56.936 --> 00:42:12.842
So the wrap-up question for SEL and EDU is always a very tough one, but in my mind I have so many answers that you could say already, and so I'm wondering what you'll say and if it matches what I'm thinking, because there's a lot of answers that you could give.

00:42:12.842 --> 00:42:17.795
But the question is what is your SEL superpower?

00:42:17.795 --> 00:42:21.784
What is your SEL superpower?

00:42:21.784 --> 00:42:23.168
Because you are a powerful woman.

00:42:23.168 --> 00:42:36.994
You're doing amazing things with your kids and with your students, so you've got some superpowers, for sure.

00:42:41.335 --> 00:42:44.201
I would say that my superpower has always been relationship building.

00:42:44.201 --> 00:42:53.329
I feel like it's not even something that I have to try to do, and I'm just being honest about that.

00:42:53.329 --> 00:43:10.389
I noticed it when I first started in education and I really feel it after all these years.

00:43:10.389 --> 00:43:11.795
All these students, all these relationships built.

00:43:11.795 --> 00:43:15.505
I feel like if I had to say I had a superpower, that's what it would be.

00:43:15.505 --> 00:43:16.833
You know, I have students that still call me mom.

00:43:16.833 --> 00:43:27.199
I have students that send me pictures of their kids now and they remember when I had my kids.

00:43:28.601 --> 00:44:10.088
And building relationships that last over the years, even when your students are grown and have a family of their own that's the kind of stuff that means a lot to me and that I get emotional about are grown and have a family of their own that's the kind of stuff that means a lot to me and that I get emotional about, because I feel like we do these things because we really care and so building relationships part of that is showing how much you care your students have to know so that they can feel it, and I think that was something I spent a lot of time doing when I was in the classroom was showing my students how much I cared.

00:44:12.536 --> 00:44:22.436
Sometimes it took us off topic, sometimes I didn't get everything covered that I wanted to cover, but my students knew that I really, truly cared.

00:44:22.436 --> 00:44:34.264
I used to have a stool by my desk for students to come and sit when they needed to talk, and not a day went by where there weren't students on that stool.

00:44:34.264 --> 00:44:56.385
I don't think I ever got a prep time because students would get a pass, you know, to come sit at my desk and sometimes I felt like I was part counselor, you know, but that's part of it, that's, that's part of education, that's part of building connections.

00:44:56.385 --> 00:45:03.284
I think it's just so important for our students to know that we care and that's where those that our students to know that we care and that's where those, that's where that relationship building comes from.

00:45:08.376 --> 00:45:22.780
Actually, as people are listening to this, and it might be educators who want to learn more about Upward Bound, or it might be caregivers who are calling saying, oh my gosh, my kids have experienced something similar.

00:45:22.780 --> 00:45:29.240
Or, oh my God, they're going to be first-gen college students as well and they'd like to reach out to you.

00:45:29.240 --> 00:45:34.358
What would be the best way for somebody to get a hold of you, to be able to connect?

00:45:39.327 --> 00:45:40.489
Can I give my email address?

00:45:46.175 --> 00:45:46.717
can I give my email address?

00:45:46.717 --> 00:45:58.244
You can give whatever you feel comfortable giving um that if somebody would happen to reach out and be able to do that, that you would be okay with it the best way to contact me would be through my personal email.

00:45:58.403 --> 00:46:13.327
Actually, I would say Ashley's Twins, of course, so it's my first name A-S-H-L-E-A-S twins all one word, all lowercase at yahoocom.

00:46:13.327 --> 00:46:19.400
I would love to hear any feedback or answer any questions.

00:46:19.400 --> 00:46:22.567
Send resources about TRIO Upward Bound.

00:46:22.567 --> 00:46:31.521
It's actually a national program funded through the federal government, so you can find Upward Bound programs all across the United States.

00:46:31.521 --> 00:46:37.099
I just happen to run one of them, but there are many programs and I could even help people find one.

00:46:38.181 --> 00:46:52.844
That's fantastic and I feel like we got a twofer today, because not only did we get the educator perspective, but we got a parent perspective, and so I feel like you were kind of doing double duty and we thank you, thank you.

00:46:52.903 --> 00:47:12.541
Thank you, thank you for sharing your experiences and ways of connecting with your kids, with the students, and being able to expand possibilities for them and finding that balance between you know, helping them continue to learn and to grow and to advocate, but also wanting to protect as well.

00:47:12.541 --> 00:47:49.655
So, as we come to a close SEL and EDU family I'm going to say this again and I can't do it justice the way that Craig closes us up but one of the things I'm thinking about is that, as we always ask you to hold those near and dear to you and stand in the SEL light, I'm also going to ask you to grab a couple of those students and hold on to them tightly in that light as well, as they continue to grow and evolve and flourish because of all of our support and because of people like Ashley.

00:47:49.655 --> 00:47:53.317
Thank you, and we will see you on our next episode.

067: Empowering First-Generation Students with Ashlea Goerlich

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