April 2, 2025
074: Screenwriting Your Success: How Hollywood Storytelling Can Transform Your Life with Kristina Paider
What if you could face life’s biggest challenges the way screenwriters approach epic movie plots? Kristina Paider, award-winning author and Chief Creative Officer of The Hollywood Approach, shares how 28 years of script development experience reshaped her life—and how it can reshape yours. Her framework reverse-engineers the traits of successful movie protagonists and applies them to real-life transitions in a way that feels both strategic and playful.
Central to Paider’s method is the concept of Character DNA—your unique mix of strengths, superpowers, and “flawesomeness.” Rather than relying on rigid goal-setting, she invites high achievers to use storytelling tools to navigate growth, change, and identity with greater creativity. Asking questions like “What would Julia Roberts do?” becomes a way to reimagine our responses during difficult moments, helping us step out of default behaviors and into more empowered, imaginative roles.
This storytelling approach resonates deeply with social-emotional learning, especially in education. Krista explores using these tools with middle school leadership students, helping them articulate strengths, aspirations, and character inspirations. The idea that we’re always editing our personal narrative offers students (and adults alike) a hopeful lens on growth and change.
Whether you're navigating a major life pivot or simply curious about the power of storytelling, Kristina Paider’s insights provide actionable wisdom with warmth and wit. Her Hollywood-inspired framework invites us to live more intentionally—and perhaps even more heroically.
EPISODE RESOURCES:
- Connect with Kristina via her website, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
- Learn more about her books, The Hollywood Approach: Script Your Life Like a Hit Movie and Live Your Wildest Dream and its accompanying workbook.
Is this conversation helpful so far?
ChatGPT can make mistakes. Check important info.
?
Chapters
00:03 - Welcome to SEL in EDU
00:44 - Meet Christina Pater
03:02 - The Hollywood Approach Explained
06:18 - The Power of Character Casting
10:42 - From Heartbreak to Adventure
18:00 - Understanding Your Character DNA
22:05 - Flawsomeness and Dark Nights
28:12 - Applying Movie Mentors to Education
34:20 - Celebrating Wins and Creating Soundtracks
Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:03.146 --> 00:00:13.651
Welcome to SEL in EDU, the podcast where we explore how educators bring social, emotional learning to life by sharing stories, strategies and sparks of inspiration.
00:00:13.651 --> 00:00:18.271
I'm your host, Dr Krista Lay, owner of Resonance Education.
00:00:18.271 --> 00:00:21.489
Thank you for joining us on this SEL journey.
00:00:23.221 --> 00:00:29.586
This is Jeremy Jorgensen, host of the Y at a 5 podcast, proud member of the Education Podcast Network.
00:00:29.586 --> 00:00:35.512
Each show on the network is independently owned and the views expressed may not represent those of other podcasts.
00:00:35.512 --> 00:00:40.770
For the best education podcasts, visit edupodcastnetworkcom.
00:00:44.262 --> 00:00:54.392
A one-time rescue swim led Christina Pater on an odyssey of epic proportion involving international travel, jumping into waterfalls and becoming a guest chocolate chef.
00:00:54.392 --> 00:00:58.631
Professionally, christina is an award-winning author and screenwriter.
00:00:58.631 --> 00:01:08.024
She is also a book and speech doctor and the chief creative officer of the Hollywood Approach and speech doctor and the chief creative officer of the Hollywood Approach.
00:01:08.024 --> 00:01:11.109
Using the art and neuroscience of story, christina helps people live and tell their best stories.
00:01:11.109 --> 00:01:15.146
She has worked with more than 600 writers in 34 countries.
00:01:15.146 --> 00:01:18.293
Sel in EDU family.
00:01:18.453 --> 00:01:21.582
I am incredibly excited to welcome Christina.
00:01:21.582 --> 00:01:47.385
Before I bring her in to talk to you, I just want to share a little personal anecdote that I met Christina through our mutual friend, dr Lindsay Prendergast, who was on the podcast a few episodes ago sharing about her amazing book with Piper Lee, and Lindsay gave us in our Advancing Leaders Collaborative an opportunity to meet Christina and she talked about her new book, the Hollywood Approach.
00:01:47.385 --> 00:01:48.968
I'm listening to it.
00:01:48.968 --> 00:02:00.408
I had a chance to work with Christina for an hour in this group and my mind was blown and I'm still thinking about how I can integrate these pieces into my life to show up as my best self.
00:02:00.408 --> 00:02:08.453
And so, christina, thank you so much for being here and for sharing your wisdom, your expertise and your 28 years of script writing.
00:02:09.314 --> 00:02:10.698
Oh my gosh, thank you so much.
00:02:10.698 --> 00:02:13.764
It's a pleasure to be here and have this conversation with you.
00:02:14.907 --> 00:02:20.508
I also need to start off that I did not share this with you before, but I enjoy listening to your book.
00:02:20.508 --> 00:02:31.875
I listen to a lot of audio books and I've listened to a couple where the authors speak their book and I'm like, oh yeah, no, that's not happening and I don't feel that way at all.
00:02:31.875 --> 00:02:33.263
So I really like your voice.
00:02:33.263 --> 00:02:36.651
Thank you for being the person to do the audio for your book.
00:02:37.520 --> 00:02:38.141
Oh my gosh.
00:02:38.141 --> 00:02:39.605
Thank you so much for saying that.
00:02:39.605 --> 00:02:46.520
I was so nervous recording it that I actually put off recording it for a couple of years and then I trained.
00:02:46.520 --> 00:02:52.421
I did vocal training and some performance training so that I wouldn't put anyone to sleep in a bad way.
00:02:52.421 --> 00:02:55.631
So I really appreciate that, Thank you.
00:02:57.034 --> 00:03:06.354
So I think, for those who are still getting acquainted with you and the book, can you give an overview of what the book is and what it's intended to do?
00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:07.300
Sure.
00:03:07.300 --> 00:03:11.609
So the book and subtitle are the Hollywood Approach.
00:03:11.609 --> 00:03:15.902
Script your Life Like a Hit Movie and Live your Wildest Dream.
00:03:15.902 --> 00:03:35.645
And it is for high achievers, high performers, when they find themselves at a crossroad or wanting to plan the next major act or movie or show of their life, whether that's a real show or really more an adventure, a next chapter kind of thing.
00:03:35.645 --> 00:03:49.225
And so in the book what I do is I break down, I reverse engineer what it takes to be a heroine or hero in a Hollywood movie and I apply those same things to real life.
00:03:51.090 --> 00:04:03.352
And I know having followed you on social media, I've seen pictures where you have boards behind you where there's lines going from A to B to C to D, and I'm like this could actually be my real life.
00:04:03.352 --> 00:04:14.146
I could put my life up here and start making these lines, because sometimes we end up showing up as our own worst enemy and blocking ourselves in a lot of ways.
00:04:15.068 --> 00:04:15.449
We do.
00:04:15.449 --> 00:04:23.769
We do, yeah, so it's important to, yeah, definitely, audition options for our lives, think through them.
00:04:23.769 --> 00:04:25.612
The book goes through self-knowledge.
00:04:25.612 --> 00:04:28.889
I call it character DNA, story forensics.
00:04:28.889 --> 00:04:51.088
Your past is really building on your past successes and getting some new insights on how you're wired, where your successes come from, what your unique character, style and challenges are, and then planning things forward in the most exciting way, interesting way, logical way for you, doable way for you.
00:04:51.088 --> 00:04:56.124
So this isn't like a pre-boxed do this kind of stuff.
00:04:56.124 --> 00:05:04.910
It's more let's dig into the self-knowledge, let's dig into you and see how you tick and then write your way forward from there.
00:05:04.910 --> 00:05:07.060
And so, yes, I do use the boards.
00:05:07.060 --> 00:05:08.165
I use the boards more.
00:05:08.165 --> 00:05:15.607
I will cover any set of doors, windows, walls with multicolored sticky notes or note cards, just like you see in the.
00:05:15.607 --> 00:05:23.107
I stopped just short of the pushpins and the red threads between things like FBI and crime scene investigation shows.
00:05:23.107 --> 00:05:24.548
I stopped just short of that.
00:05:24.548 --> 00:05:28.855
But I do like mapping things out for life and for screenplays.
00:05:29.980 --> 00:05:43.326
When you talk just now about there being this unique approach, and you came into our session on Zoom and just captured that right away, with a visualization and full disclosure for those who are listening.
00:05:43.326 --> 00:06:17.769
And I've told you like normally my brain doesn't work that way, but it was the day, your approach and I was all in on this visualization and within 10 minutes, man, I became Emilia Clarke and for those of you who are Game of Thrones fans or have watched she was Ars Targaryen or have watched Me Before you, I combined these pieces of her, and so I'd love for you to talk about that process that you've used and what that looked like either in the book or in your life, and how that works for people.
00:06:17.769 --> 00:06:19.040
Sure.
00:06:19.240 --> 00:06:22.286
So that exercise, so this is.
00:06:22.286 --> 00:06:34.403
We're talking now about a live workshop I did with your group and so this is an exercise I do in a live setting because there's a participation component where everyone shares who.
00:06:34.403 --> 00:06:38.872
You know which star they would see playing them in the movie of your life.
00:06:38.872 --> 00:07:01.161
And it really started for me back 20 years ago in my very first screenwriting class with my famous to me infamous first professor, robert Powell, who was a former Air Force cop and two-time black belt holder, and he was like seriously badass and so I had learned so so much from him.
00:07:01.161 --> 00:07:07.002
But in the early days of screenwriting I just was like an unintended thing I was doing.
00:07:07.002 --> 00:07:17.370
Somebody pushed me into taking the class and said, oh, you'd be great at this and it's one of those things you do and you're like I'm not really sure, I'm 27 years old, I'm not really sure why, I'm not sure what's happening here, but whatever, I'm going with it.
00:07:17.370 --> 00:07:32.702
And one of the things in those early stories they were all really based on me as the main character and a lot of us in the early days would be writing kind of the maybe the more mundane stuff in our life, right.
00:07:32.702 --> 00:07:40.444
And so the instruction from the professor was you've got to give the actress a moment, so you've got to give the actress something to do.
00:07:40.444 --> 00:07:47.553
Being a main character is about the decisions she makes and the actions she takes.
00:07:47.553 --> 00:07:50.103
So what is she doing?
00:07:50.103 --> 00:07:52.812
So that led me to start thinking about.
00:07:53.173 --> 00:08:03.629
At one point in these early years around 1997, I had a really terrible heartbreak and I was just mopey and I was like, oh God, this stinks.
00:08:03.629 --> 00:08:07.956
And I started thinking, okay, who would play me?
00:08:07.956 --> 00:08:11.047
And so my initial reaction was Julia Roberts.
00:08:11.047 --> 00:08:15.545
I would love to have Julia Roberts play me in the movie I was writing at the time.
00:08:15.545 --> 00:08:18.470
And then I started.
00:08:18.470 --> 00:08:23.865
My movie was not about this heartbreak, but the heartbreak was right, so present with me at this time.
00:08:23.865 --> 00:08:34.889
And then I started thinking about what would Julia Roberts do as me in the heartbreak scenario, like in the real life scenario, and that started leading to some really interesting answers.
00:08:34.889 --> 00:08:44.051
So I do talk about that a little bit in the book, but I bring it more to life in a workshop scenario where I guide people through something much more elaborate and wild.
00:08:44.051 --> 00:08:48.946
But the question I began asking myself 28 years ago is what would Julia Roberts do?
00:08:48.946 --> 00:08:51.491
What would Julia Roberts do in this scene?
00:08:51.491 --> 00:09:04.907
And so one of the decisions I made as a result of that was I ended up going on this European trip shortly after this awful heartbreak, and it was around the same time that when how Stella Got Her Groove Back came out.
00:09:04.986 --> 00:09:08.304
Oh my gosh, that movie, it was just so wild.
00:09:08.304 --> 00:09:09.947
It was like friends having a great time.
00:09:09.947 --> 00:09:14.190
So I got back from this trip and my last two days were in Capri, italy.
00:09:14.190 --> 00:09:19.640
I got back I was living in Scottsdale at the time Got back to Scottsdale, I did not.
00:09:19.640 --> 00:09:22.403
I was not ready for real life again.
00:09:22.403 --> 00:09:25.566
I'm just like no, whatever, a week or whatever.
00:09:25.566 --> 00:09:26.287
It was not enough.
00:09:26.287 --> 00:09:32.932
And my friends were telling me like oh, if you're going to have these crazy adventures like you got to take us along or something.
00:09:32.932 --> 00:09:43.788
And so four days later I'm going to ask the question what would Julia Roberts do if this was a movie right now?
00:09:43.788 --> 00:09:49.267
And I came back and I'm still sad and heartbroken, although a little better, and I, let's say, met a new friend in Italy.
00:09:49.748 --> 00:10:04.302
And so four days later, back on the plane, brought itineraries that's back when we had travel agents still brought itineraries for my friends slapped them down on our ad club meeting and said you want in Put your money where your mouth is.
00:10:04.302 --> 00:10:10.389
Planes leave on Thursday and one of the two friends came and we just had this total life adventure.
00:10:10.389 --> 00:10:14.126
It was just like we don't like it there, we'll just leave and go somewhere else.
00:10:14.126 --> 00:10:23.585
But it was those kind of things and they did for me tend to often involve a one-way plane ticket or maybe a round-trip ticket to an exotic place or island.
00:10:23.585 --> 00:10:37.769
But I lived such a much more amazing life, I think, and made really way more fun and also financially wise decisions maybe not the wisest ever, but also good for my heart.
00:10:37.769 --> 00:10:42.927
It was so good for my heart and my soul and that was really one adventure of a lifetime I had.
00:10:42.927 --> 00:10:46.173
That is a story that just we told it on the plane.
00:10:46.173 --> 00:10:49.048
We were learning Italian through cassette tapes.
00:10:49.048 --> 00:10:50.706
It was just such a great adventure.
00:10:50.820 --> 00:10:55.366
But again, it all goes back to that question what would Julia Roberts do?
00:10:55.366 --> 00:10:59.652
And for listeners it could be what would somebody outside of you do?
00:10:59.652 --> 00:11:01.506
And you could cast it different ways.
00:11:01.506 --> 00:11:03.563
You would ask what would Emilia Clarke do?
00:11:03.563 --> 00:11:06.750
It could be a mentor, it could be Oprah, it could be whoever.
00:11:06.750 --> 00:11:07.692
It could be a character.
00:11:07.692 --> 00:11:15.607
It doesn't even have to be a real person, but it leads you to different answers and opportunities and it, at least in your mind, gives you choices of.
00:11:15.607 --> 00:11:22.672
I don't have to sit here and mope and I'm not talking about spiritually bypassing our feelings, by the way, either.
00:11:22.672 --> 00:11:26.321
I had done enough.
00:11:26.321 --> 00:11:28.346
I was with my sadness for a long time before I made this decision.
00:11:28.346 --> 00:11:31.998
But it's really about having choices.
00:11:31.998 --> 00:11:37.510
It's about being creative and coming up with new ideas and choices for yourself.
00:11:37.510 --> 00:11:40.043
And you're like hey, I got airline miles.
00:11:40.043 --> 00:11:41.306
Isn't that what they're for?
00:11:41.306 --> 00:11:43.109
It's life's best adventures.
00:11:43.109 --> 00:11:45.153
I've got time off that is stashed.
00:11:45.153 --> 00:11:47.024
I work 14 hours a day.
00:11:47.024 --> 00:11:52.023
I work a gazillion hours a week, so it's part of the creative process, I think.
00:11:53.006 --> 00:12:01.551
As I'm hearing you and thinking back to how I felt it was very empowering, so that you have choices and you could put those into action.
00:12:01.551 --> 00:12:18.450
I know that through that and, by the way, I just need to let people know I'm talking about Daenerys Targaryen, before she started burning down everything like the empathy and compassion and the service that she wanted to have, and how she showed up so strong despite so many adversities and obstacles.
00:12:18.450 --> 00:12:31.880
And I don't remember the name of her character in Me Before you, but she was quirky and just owned authentically who she was, and so I merged those two and for a moment I was like how could I connect to this person?
00:12:31.880 --> 00:12:33.845
And I thought she wanted.
00:12:33.845 --> 00:12:35.808
She accepted these roles.
00:12:35.808 --> 00:12:39.283
So there had to be something in those roles that called to her.
00:12:39.903 --> 00:12:53.221
In each of those pieces my imagining of what called to her, each of those pieces, my imagining of what called to her and what do I imagine she would have done I'm like why can't that be me?
00:12:53.221 --> 00:12:54.244
Why can't I show up in that way?
00:12:54.244 --> 00:12:58.894
And one of the things that you mentioned in our conversation was that this was not meant to be reductionist but to be expansionist.
00:12:59.860 --> 00:13:13.293
So we're not trying to again bypass something, have like a reductionist approach to our pain, our crossroad, our grief, our challenge in life, our next chapter.
00:13:13.701 --> 00:13:17.451
It's not a simplification of what these characters would do.
00:13:17.451 --> 00:13:23.265
It's a way to think about okay, oops, maybe I'm stuck, I'm not sure what to do.
00:13:23.265 --> 00:13:44.409
It's a way to expand our thinking, so I could sit here and do the same thing I'm doing, which is not moving me forward at this time, or I'm bored with it or it's a little bit stagnant but it's a way to expand that and say, okay, what would this actress or character do in her pre-Pyromania days?
00:13:44.409 --> 00:13:47.654
What would she do in her post-Pyromania days?
00:13:47.654 --> 00:13:50.067
That, right there, gives you two different answers.
00:13:50.067 --> 00:13:59.322
We're not talking about arson, people, but just the imagination of it alone sometimes helps you feel better, it helps you open your mind and then you go through the logic of it.
00:13:59.322 --> 00:14:20.136
You're like, oh, I actually don't want to burn this down, I want to edit it, I want to make some changes, and it helps us see things more clearly and expand the amount of options and choices that we see for ourselves, either through these characters or with these characters.
00:14:21.801 --> 00:14:25.264
The podcast is called SEL and EDU, so social emotional learning.
00:14:25.264 --> 00:14:31.131
We're thinking about validating our emotions and our sense of identity and our sense of purpose.
00:14:31.131 --> 00:14:33.654
And then how are we navigating those emotions?
00:14:33.654 --> 00:14:51.191
You said we're not bypassing anything, the thinking about self-discipline and self-motivation, and so it's not a here I am and I'm stuck, but it's here's where I am and what's next.
00:14:51.191 --> 00:15:05.808
And that takes us into those responsible decision-making where I hadn't thought about this, but even me just saying, okay, daenerys, up until this point, but not after, this is me setting those boundaries for the responsible decisions and how this is going to impact.
00:15:05.808 --> 00:15:14.143
So it's channeling that inspiration, but also knowing that personally, I'm setting boundaries, for sure, for sure.
00:15:14.143 --> 00:15:21.481
I'm curious what led you to actually putting it into a book to be able to share it with other people?
00:15:22.543 --> 00:15:29.562
The scenario we were talking about just now was quite literally the late 90s, 28 years ago, when I began screenwriting.
00:15:29.562 --> 00:15:46.027
Then, a few years ago now, it was like 12 years ago I reached a major crossroad in my life and it felt like whatever decision I made, there was not going to be going back from that decision.
00:15:46.027 --> 00:16:02.572
At the time, I was an analyst, a story analyst in Hollywood, so my job was reading movie scripts and giving notes and saying, okay, production company, I think we should consider this, and that would mean a substantial investment of multi-millions of dollars, or I think we should pass.
00:16:02.572 --> 00:16:03.456
And here's why.
00:16:03.456 --> 00:16:09.860
And often I was finding that the heroes or heroines were written reacting to everything.
00:16:09.860 --> 00:16:15.528
They were not making conscious choices and therefore conscious actions.
00:16:15.528 --> 00:16:26.451
It was always a reaction to an outside situation, an outside person forcing something, something was happening to them and they were reacting versus a series of active choices.
00:16:27.019 --> 00:16:45.759
And when I reached this very critical and very intense crossroad for myself, I ended up using my work as a screenwriter to find my way forward and through, and the experience was so profound that I wasn't talking about it in the middle.
00:16:45.759 --> 00:16:47.530
But when I got through to a new point, i't talking about it in the middle.
00:16:47.530 --> 00:16:50.202
But when I got through to a new point, I began talking about it.
00:16:50.202 --> 00:17:00.729
And when I started talking about it and seeing people's reaction, hearing their questions, their interests, how did you do this?
00:17:00.729 --> 00:17:06.426
How did you come to this decision of all these things, how did you end up at this place and how?
00:17:06.426 --> 00:17:09.334
I just feeling how much it resonated.
00:17:09.334 --> 00:17:14.251
I had to go back and analyze my own process and write this book.
00:17:19.560 --> 00:17:30.545
One of the things that I noticed when I was reading the book is that there is a quote written by Luann Johnson was portrayed in Dangerous Minds by Michelle Pfeiffer.
00:17:30.545 --> 00:17:42.894
I remember that movie resonating with me so deeply, and I will also say I've interrogated myself, thinking about a savior complex as a teacher.
00:17:42.894 --> 00:17:49.402
So just knowing that about myself now too, like what are my intentions and how do I support?
00:17:49.402 --> 00:17:55.760
I remember having her book and it led even my opening conversations with students.
00:17:55.760 --> 00:17:57.164
You always have a choice.
00:17:57.164 --> 00:18:03.570
You have a choice on whether you walk into my classroom or walk down the hall and they're like we have to come here because we're going to get.
00:18:03.570 --> 00:18:11.992
I'm like, ah, there's natural logical consequences, but you're making a choice and one of the pieces that they say in the movie is that you are not a victim.
00:18:11.992 --> 00:18:21.588
There are no victims in my classroom and I wish, again, I wish we were videotaping because it's Because for listeners I'm throwing up my arms.
00:18:21.839 --> 00:18:27.970
I love that is one of my favorite quotes and sometimes when I'm teaching this material, I will say I will begin with that.
00:18:27.970 --> 00:18:30.654
It's one of my beginning things there and I love that line.
00:18:35.740 --> 00:18:36.560
There are no victims in this classroom.
00:18:36.560 --> 00:18:51.737
People have this sense of learned helplessness and I experienced that in my personal life in my 20s and my 30s and that mindset too, in that you have choices, you don't need to be somebody who reacts to things all the time.
00:18:51.737 --> 00:18:55.451
You can have kind of that ownership and step ahead.
00:18:55.451 --> 00:19:11.890
And I think that piece in the book really resonated with me, because we all do have choices and sometimes we just need those extra little nudges of inspiration, and that's what the Hollywood approach in the book is doing for people.
00:19:11.890 --> 00:19:20.229
What have you been hearing from people that has really resonated with them as they're reading the book.
00:19:20.288 --> 00:19:24.724
So there are numerous things, but I think there are a couple that stand out.
00:19:24.724 --> 00:19:31.086
One we were talking earlier about the idea of self-knowledge, and I have a section in the book called Character DNA.
00:19:31.086 --> 00:19:46.463
Through a series of exercises, examples, stories, I help readers understand their own character DNA in their particular story or challenge they're currently facing, and one of the components of that is what I call flawsomeness.
00:19:46.463 --> 00:19:56.002
And so flawsomeness is the highly scientific formula of our flaws plus our awesomeness.
00:19:56.002 --> 00:20:13.885
Now, these would be the kind of things that in old school ways like if we're ever doing a job interview where we say, oh, I work extra hours or I'm a perfectionist it's like where you say the thing that's a double-edged sword but makes you sound good in the employer's eyes, and that is not the point of this.
00:20:13.885 --> 00:20:24.394
But it has some similarities and the idea is that for every flaw we have within ourselves, like, there's also another side of it that is awesome.
00:20:24.394 --> 00:20:29.280
So there's a spectrum of it side of it that is awesome.
00:20:29.280 --> 00:20:30.002
So there's a spectrum of it.
00:20:30.002 --> 00:20:32.067
And I have found that, first of all, people love the term because it's fun and it's light.
00:20:32.067 --> 00:20:48.553
So, again, the book really appeals often to high achievers who have maybe done a lot of personal work, personal growth work, perhaps, and many times very likely even therapy, and this is deep work but it's not heavy.
00:20:48.553 --> 00:21:07.251
So we talk about flawlessness and in Hollywood right now the relativity to this is that if we can identify our own flaw in our current pursuit of our goal and if we can neutralize that flaw even a little, we're going a long way.
00:21:07.251 --> 00:21:17.885
We're just adding a lot of fuel to the fire to get to our goal faster and easier, and sometimes identifying those real flaws are difficult.
00:21:17.885 --> 00:21:30.307
But people like this because it really resonates and it's a big topic in Hollywood right now Hollywood producers, buyers of movies, makers of movies really want to be clear on what the character flaw is.
00:21:30.307 --> 00:21:36.304
So if we think of Maverick, for example, we know Tom Cruise is like a solo lobo.
00:21:36.304 --> 00:21:38.468
He is a lone wolf kind of guy.
00:21:38.468 --> 00:21:42.304
He's a little bit rogue and he's got to work on that.
00:21:42.304 --> 00:21:49.085
He's got to figure out how to work with other people, not ruffle all these feathers along the way, and he's the best at what he does.
00:21:49.085 --> 00:21:51.369
So that's one example of that.
00:21:51.369 --> 00:22:03.833
But people love to talk about flawsomeness as a concept and it really works If we can really get center with ourselves, have a quiet moment, think about how are we most getting in our way of our own success?
00:22:03.833 --> 00:22:07.690
That's a way to really catapult ourselves to success.
00:22:07.690 --> 00:22:10.905
That's one of, I think, 14 things I have in there.
00:22:10.905 --> 00:22:13.270
And then I'm trying to think of like the next one.
00:22:14.519 --> 00:22:20.882
People do like to talk about plot twists and dark nights of the soul and how we address them, the strategies we use.
00:22:20.882 --> 00:22:24.150
What do we do when we reach that low point?
00:22:24.150 --> 00:22:35.849
Here we're climbing the mountain, we're successfully climbing the mountain and all of a sudden we hit like a mudslide or a downturn or something that takes us not where we thought we were going to go but ends up putting us on another path.
00:22:35.849 --> 00:22:37.339
And that is a concept.
00:22:37.339 --> 00:22:54.791
The dark night of the soul is a concept recognized universally by shaman and medicine people around the world, universally by shaman and medicine people around the world, and they describe it as the spiritual death, the figurative death that enables us to emerge and have this rebirth.
00:22:55.573 --> 00:22:58.988
Into the next chapter I share in the book.
00:22:58.988 --> 00:23:07.808
I hope we don't all have to have the deepest, darkest, worst dark night of the soul, because that can be really painful and that's not something we want to anticipate.
00:23:07.808 --> 00:23:11.280
But when we do think about, okay, what can go wrong?
00:23:11.280 --> 00:23:18.201
There's lots of research that shows that we can start neutralizing that, mitigating that, before it happens.
00:23:18.201 --> 00:23:26.490
And if it does happen, if it really does hit the fan and does happen, there are strategies, just like in the movie, just like in the Hollywood movies.
00:23:26.490 --> 00:23:28.385
What do we do when it all goes wrong?
00:23:28.385 --> 00:23:38.113
And so we learn what to double down on, where to pivot, where to change our actions so that we can still get to that goal.
00:23:39.480 --> 00:23:52.446
I'm imagining the hero's journey piece, that cycle that people go through and how it's this universal piece and that you know it can look different for different people.
00:23:52.446 --> 00:24:19.468
But then knowing that if the shit does hit the fan, that, like you said, there are strategies that you can leverage and people you can call on and some beautiful things can come from that, and relying upon the perseverance and resilience and navigating what that can look like, and knowing that there's those choices still exist and that you have a sense of agency in all of that.
00:24:20.369 --> 00:24:27.497
Yes, and I think that's something that adapting that mindset of.
00:24:27.497 --> 00:24:42.730
Okay, I am writing, I am the screenwriter of my life, I am the writer of my life story and here are some technical things to know and here are some fun things to know from a movie perspective and here's what we do with onscreen heroines and heroes.
00:24:42.730 --> 00:24:48.201
So it makes every movie a masterclass on life and decisions and character.
00:24:48.201 --> 00:24:48.942
And they can't.
00:24:48.942 --> 00:24:52.460
Some people just can't ever watch a movie the same way and I hope that's good.
00:24:52.460 --> 00:24:58.665
I know, after I worked with my original professor, like I can't, unless I just really get lost in it and either way is fine.
00:24:58.665 --> 00:24:59.830
There's no right or wrong way.
00:24:59.951 --> 00:25:06.532
But yes, I think the feeling of going into it and the anticipation it's like a camping trip, when you know it's going to be raining.
00:25:06.532 --> 00:25:15.321
If we plan and we have an extra tent or extra rain coverage and we all have raincoats and rain boots and then we have warm snacks or some kind of.
00:25:15.321 --> 00:25:27.084
I always have to go to the snacks, but the campfire and the hot beverages or whatever that make us more comfortable in that cold weather, it becomes a richer adventure, so to speak, or it can.
00:25:27.084 --> 00:25:34.993
The point is to start seeing more options and opportunities and making a conscious choice.
00:25:34.993 --> 00:25:41.830
The point of this book is opening your mind to ideas and new pathways.
00:25:42.673 --> 00:25:47.362
When I read books I think about okay, how does this infuse into my life?
00:25:47.362 --> 00:25:50.891
How can I use this to connect to the work that I'm doing with schools?
00:25:50.891 --> 00:25:58.213
And I'm so excited because I'm working with a middle school leadership group right now, fifth through eighth grade.
00:25:58.213 --> 00:26:06.077
They're the sweetest kids with so much energy and we're at a point where they're collaborating with each other.
00:26:06.077 --> 00:26:06.861
They're talking.
00:26:06.861 --> 00:26:11.069
We've done a VIA character strengths assessment so they know their top five talking.
00:26:11.069 --> 00:26:12.592
We've done a VIA character strengths assessment, so they know their top five strengths.
00:26:12.592 --> 00:26:17.093
We've talked about leadership and what leadership quality they aspire to.
00:26:18.817 --> 00:26:24.472
We just got done a section on navigating stress and managing stress through different activities.
00:26:24.472 --> 00:26:30.121
We're moving into fitting in versus belonging, and being able to advocate for yourself and what you need and how to have those conversations.
00:26:30.121 --> 00:26:34.141
And being able to advocate for yourself and what you need and how to have those conversations, but also how to advocate and stick up for other people.
00:26:34.141 --> 00:26:37.012
And in my brain.
00:26:37.012 --> 00:26:55.119
In two and a half weeks, I'm going to take some of these principles from your book and ask students to create a slide with their top strengths, the leadership trait they aspire to, and then what three people would they want to play them?
00:26:55.119 --> 00:27:01.396
And I'm hoping to, and we'll see if this lands well, but think about your goals for life.
00:27:01.396 --> 00:27:02.720
Where do you want to go next?
00:27:02.720 --> 00:27:18.501
What are some of the struggles that you encounter in advocating for yourself or for other people, and what would these characters do, and how could you leverage that mindset and channeling that to help you move forward?
00:27:18.501 --> 00:27:24.241
How can they actively continue to show up as their best self by accentuating their positives?
00:27:25.450 --> 00:27:35.320
When I have taught this to younger people, I'm consistently astounded at their ability to see themselves and so on and so forth.
00:27:35.320 --> 00:27:39.314
And I think that we're also our brains are hardwired to go toward the negative right.
00:27:39.314 --> 00:27:45.180
And so one of the things in my character DNA you'll see it's front-loaded with the good things, it's strengths.
00:27:45.180 --> 00:27:47.089
There are three sections to my character DNA.
00:27:47.089 --> 00:27:54.019
It's strengths, it's superpowers, and then it's flawsomeness, and it's not flaws, it's flawsomeness.
00:27:54.019 --> 00:28:01.624
And so I think just really we don't need 10 flaws, just one, in this goal now.
00:28:01.624 --> 00:28:16.669
And I think, like the context of that for young people and for everybody, especially anyone feeling vulnerable, is so important, because we need to front load the good stuff in most cases and just pick one piece of flawsomeness.
00:28:16.669 --> 00:28:23.672
Maybe it's time to try to be an A minus and look at our actions and be like how can I operate a little bit differently?
00:28:23.672 --> 00:28:27.741
Obviously I'm using myself as an example, like with the perfectionism there.
00:00:03.146 --> 00:00:13.651
00:00:13.651 --> 00:00:18.271
00:00:18.271 --> 00:00:21.489
00:00:23.221 --> 00:00:29.586
00:00:29.586 --> 00:00:35.512
00:00:35.512 --> 00:00:40.770
00:00:44.262 --> 00:00:54.392
00:00:54.392 --> 00:00:58.631
00:00:58.631 --> 00:01:08.024
00:01:08.024 --> 00:01:11.109
00:01:11.109 --> 00:01:15.146
00:01:15.146 --> 00:01:18.293
00:01:18.453 --> 00:01:21.582
00:01:21.582 --> 00:01:47.385
00:01:47.385 --> 00:01:48.968
00:01:48.968 --> 00:02:00.408
00:02:00.408 --> 00:02:08.453
00:02:09.314 --> 00:02:10.698
00:02:10.698 --> 00:02:13.764
00:02:14.907 --> 00:02:20.508
00:02:20.508 --> 00:02:31.875
00:02:31.875 --> 00:02:33.263
00:02:33.263 --> 00:02:36.651
00:02:37.520 --> 00:02:38.141
00:02:38.141 --> 00:02:39.605
00:02:39.605 --> 00:02:46.520
00:02:46.520 --> 00:02:52.421
00:02:52.421 --> 00:02:55.631
00:02:57.034 --> 00:03:06.354
00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:07.300
00:03:07.300 --> 00:03:11.609
00:03:11.609 --> 00:03:15.902
00:03:15.902 --> 00:03:35.645
00:03:35.645 --> 00:03:49.225
00:03:51.090 --> 00:04:03.352
00:04:03.352 --> 00:04:14.146
00:04:15.068 --> 00:04:15.449
00:04:15.449 --> 00:04:23.769
00:04:23.769 --> 00:04:25.612
00:04:25.612 --> 00:04:28.889
00:04:28.889 --> 00:04:51.088
00:04:51.088 --> 00:04:56.124
00:04:56.124 --> 00:05:04.910
00:05:04.910 --> 00:05:07.060
00:05:07.060 --> 00:05:08.165
00:05:08.165 --> 00:05:15.607
00:05:15.607 --> 00:05:23.107
00:05:23.107 --> 00:05:24.548
00:05:24.548 --> 00:05:28.855
00:05:29.980 --> 00:05:43.326
00:05:43.326 --> 00:06:17.769
00:06:17.769 --> 00:06:19.040
00:06:19.240 --> 00:06:22.286
00:06:22.286 --> 00:06:34.403
00:06:34.403 --> 00:06:38.872
00:06:38.872 --> 00:07:01.161
00:07:01.161 --> 00:07:07.002
00:07:07.002 --> 00:07:17.370
00:07:17.370 --> 00:07:32.702
00:07:32.702 --> 00:07:40.444
00:07:40.444 --> 00:07:47.553
00:07:47.553 --> 00:07:50.103
00:07:50.103 --> 00:07:52.812
00:07:53.173 --> 00:08:03.629
00:08:03.629 --> 00:08:07.956
00:08:07.956 --> 00:08:11.047
00:08:11.047 --> 00:08:15.545
00:08:15.545 --> 00:08:18.470
00:08:18.470 --> 00:08:23.865
00:08:23.865 --> 00:08:34.889
00:08:34.889 --> 00:08:44.051
00:08:44.051 --> 00:08:48.946
00:08:48.946 --> 00:08:51.491
00:08:51.491 --> 00:09:04.907
00:09:04.986 --> 00:09:08.304
00:09:08.304 --> 00:09:09.947
00:09:09.947 --> 00:09:14.190
00:09:14.190 --> 00:09:19.640
00:09:19.640 --> 00:09:22.403
00:09:22.403 --> 00:09:25.566
00:09:25.566 --> 00:09:26.287
00:09:26.287 --> 00:09:32.932
00:09:32.932 --> 00:09:43.788
00:09:43.788 --> 00:09:49.267
00:09:49.748 --> 00:10:04.302
00:10:04.302 --> 00:10:10.389
00:10:10.389 --> 00:10:14.126
00:10:14.126 --> 00:10:23.585
00:10:23.585 --> 00:10:37.769
00:10:37.769 --> 00:10:42.927
00:10:42.927 --> 00:10:46.173
00:10:46.173 --> 00:10:49.048
00:10:49.048 --> 00:10:50.706
00:10:50.820 --> 00:10:55.366
00:10:55.366 --> 00:10:59.652
00:10:59.652 --> 00:11:01.506
00:11:01.506 --> 00:11:03.563
00:11:03.563 --> 00:11:06.750
00:11:06.750 --> 00:11:07.692
00:11:07.692 --> 00:11:15.607
00:11:15.607 --> 00:11:22.672
00:11:22.672 --> 00:11:26.321
00:11:26.321 --> 00:11:28.346
00:11:28.346 --> 00:11:31.998
00:11:31.998 --> 00:11:37.510
00:11:37.510 --> 00:11:40.043
00:11:40.043 --> 00:11:41.306
00:11:41.306 --> 00:11:43.109
00:11:43.109 --> 00:11:45.153
00:11:45.153 --> 00:11:47.024
00:11:47.024 --> 00:11:52.023
00:11:53.006 --> 00:12:01.551
00:12:01.551 --> 00:12:18.450
00:12:18.450 --> 00:12:31.880
00:12:31.880 --> 00:12:33.845
00:12:33.845 --> 00:12:35.808
00:12:35.808 --> 00:12:39.283
00:12:39.903 --> 00:12:53.221
00:12:53.221 --> 00:12:54.244
00:12:54.244 --> 00:12:58.894
00:12:59.860 --> 00:13:13.293
00:13:13.701 --> 00:13:17.451
00:13:17.451 --> 00:13:23.265
00:13:23.265 --> 00:13:44.409
00:13:44.409 --> 00:13:47.654
00:13:47.654 --> 00:13:50.067
00:13:50.067 --> 00:13:59.322
00:13:59.322 --> 00:14:20.136
00:14:21.801 --> 00:14:25.264
00:14:25.264 --> 00:14:31.131
00:14:31.131 --> 00:14:33.654
00:14:33.654 --> 00:14:51.191
00:14:51.191 --> 00:15:05.808
00:15:05.808 --> 00:15:14.143
00:15:14.143 --> 00:15:21.481
00:15:22.543 --> 00:15:29.562
00:15:29.562 --> 00:15:46.027
00:15:46.027 --> 00:16:02.572
00:16:02.572 --> 00:16:03.456
00:16:03.456 --> 00:16:09.860
00:16:09.860 --> 00:16:15.528
00:16:15.528 --> 00:16:26.451
00:16:27.019 --> 00:16:45.759
00:16:45.759 --> 00:16:47.530
00:16:47.530 --> 00:16:50.202
00:16:50.202 --> 00:17:00.729
00:17:00.729 --> 00:17:06.426
00:17:06.426 --> 00:17:09.334
00:17:09.334 --> 00:17:14.251
00:17:19.560 --> 00:17:30.545
00:17:30.545 --> 00:17:42.894
00:17:42.894 --> 00:17:49.402
00:17:49.402 --> 00:17:55.760
00:17:55.760 --> 00:17:57.164
00:17:57.164 --> 00:18:03.570
00:18:03.570 --> 00:18:11.992
00:18:11.992 --> 00:18:21.588
00:18:21.839 --> 00:18:27.970
00:18:27.970 --> 00:18:30.654
00:18:35.740 --> 00:18:36.560
00:18:36.560 --> 00:18:51.737
00:18:51.737 --> 00:18:55.451
00:18:55.451 --> 00:19:11.890
00:19:11.890 --> 00:19:20.229
00:19:20.288 --> 00:19:24.724
00:19:24.724 --> 00:19:31.086
00:19:31.086 --> 00:19:46.463
00:19:46.463 --> 00:19:56.002
00:19:56.002 --> 00:20:13.885
00:20:13.885 --> 00:20:24.394
00:20:24.394 --> 00:20:29.280
00:20:29.280 --> 00:20:30.002
00:20:30.002 --> 00:20:32.067
00:20:32.067 --> 00:20:48.553
00:20:48.553 --> 00:21:07.251
00:21:07.251 --> 00:21:17.885
00:21:17.885 --> 00:21:30.307
00:21:30.307 --> 00:21:36.304
00:21:36.304 --> 00:21:38.468
00:21:38.468 --> 00:21:42.304
00:21:42.304 --> 00:21:49.085
00:21:49.085 --> 00:21:51.369
00:21:51.369 --> 00:22:03.833
00:22:03.833 --> 00:22:07.690
00:22:07.690 --> 00:22:10.905
00:22:10.905 --> 00:22:13.270
00:22:14.519 --> 00:22:20.882
00:22:20.882 --> 00:22:24.150
00:22:24.150 --> 00:22:35.849
00:22:35.849 --> 00:22:37.339
00:22:37.339 --> 00:22:54.791
00:22:55.573 --> 00:22:58.988
00:22:58.988 --> 00:23:07.808
00:23:07.808 --> 00:23:11.280
00:23:11.280 --> 00:23:18.201
00:23:18.201 --> 00:23:26.490
00:23:26.490 --> 00:23:28.385
00:23:28.385 --> 00:23:38.113
00:23:39.480 --> 00:23:52.446
00:23:52.446 --> 00:24:19.468
00:24:20.369 --> 00:24:27.497
00:24:27.497 --> 00:24:42.730
00:24:42.730 --> 00:24:48.201
00:24:48.201 --> 00:24:48.942
00:24:48.942 --> 00:24:52.460
00:24:52.460 --> 00:24:58.665
00:24:58.665 --> 00:24:59.830
00:24:59.951 --> 00:25:06.532
00:25:06.532 --> 00:25:15.321
00:25:15.321 --> 00:25:27.084
00:25:27.084 --> 00:25:34.993
00:25:34.993 --> 00:25:41.830
00:25:42.673 --> 00:25:47.362
00:25:47.362 --> 00:25:50.891
00:25:50.891 --> 00:25:58.213
00:25:58.213 --> 00:26:06.077
00:26:06.077 --> 00:26:06.861
00:26:06.861 --> 00:26:11.069
00:26:11.069 --> 00:26:12.592
00:26:12.592 --> 00:26:17.093
00:26:18.817 --> 00:26:24.472
00:26:24.472 --> 00:26:30.121
00:26:30.121 --> 00:26:34.141
00:26:34.141 --> 00:26:37.012
00:26:37.012 --> 00:26:55.119
00:26:55.119 --> 00:27:01.396
00:27:01.396 --> 00:27:02.720
00:27:02.720 --> 00:27:18.501
00:27:18.501 --> 00:27:24.241
00:27:25.450 --> 00:27:35.320
00:27:35.320 --> 00:27:39.314
00:27:39.314 --> 00:27:45.180
00:27:45.180 --> 00:27:47.089
00:27:47.089 --> 00:27:54.019
00:27:54.019 --> 00:28:01.624
00:28:01.624 --> 00:28:16.669
00:28:16.669 --> 00:28:23.672
00:28:23.672 --> 00:28:27.741